Recent Entries

• Rough day

  December 19, 2024

  What a day it's been. My manic thoughts have essentially ruined my brain today. I just dumped way too much money on a car repair and now the boys are fighting at the ex's again. Would they be better if I was there? I don't know. Seems I'm to wrapped up in my own mellowdramma…

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• Even more

  December 19, 2024

  I'm a wreck. I am doing it to myself. I know this, but I continue to do it. Just crying it out doesn't help anymore and the begging and pleading to my friends and family, falls on deaf ears. What can they do anyway? Maybe it's just a Hallmark world where people, family comes together…

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• Feelings 2

  December 19, 2024

  So to continue what I started earlier, today I decided to get the car repair done. Good bye Christmas with the boys. Good bye extra money for the next few weeks. You would think that since my life is just about sitting and whining about life, I would be ok with a several hundred dollar…

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• Feeling

  December 19, 2024

  I'm lost this morning. Ofcourse as much as I want to sleep in, my body and mind come up with several reasons not to. So what is it today that's haunting me? My financial future. My plans went out the window with the divorce. She kept all the "plans" and things. Oh, and just as…

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• Another concert

  December 18, 2024

  I go for my boys. What I endure is watching people ignore me. The "friendships" that used to be all clamoring around the ex and her husband, no hellos to me. No happy holiday or Merry Christmas, nothing. My sister and brother-in-law are here, guess what? They are all sitting together. So I'm 53. ...

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• The day

  December 18, 2024

  I've cleaned the apartment, did the clothes, and went grocery shopping. It's not helping. Nothing is making me feel normal today. How much crying is too much? I've never felt more alone as I have this year. Whether or not I did it to myself. I can't seem to find any escape. Not television or…

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• Kayla

  December 16, 2024

  She would have been turning 35 on the 22nd this month. My baby girl. Now I can't even remember her voice. It's been 12 years since she passed away. I got thinking about her today and I can't stop. It's hurt all day. I really have no one to talk to about her. Me and…

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• Like a wave

  December 14, 2024

  Wow, it just hit me hard, the loneliness I feel. I'm even out in public. I don't even want to go home where you would think it's safe from it all. I am so sick of feeling like this.

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• Ugh

  December 14, 2024

  Another Saturday at work. I didn't think time could move so slow. Not that I would be doing anything at home and ofcourse I need to work, but I've never been this bored in my life and it's not good for me to be bored.

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