Recent Entries

• Trying to see the positive

  November 20, 2024

  Well at least I'm not sitting home alone. I guess that can get me through 2 more hours of work. Work wouldn't be so bad today if I didn't hurt so much. I have a dull pain in my back that's just throbbing. Trying to stay busy but chair keeps calling me to sit.

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• Work

  November 17, 2024

  I am about to just say fuck it. There's got to be a way to live as a bum. I've walked into a shit show and I am the only one who can fix it and I have no ambition for this place. All I asked was for a 40 hour week. Enough to eek…

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• Need inspiration 2

  November 16, 2024

  I just posted and still feel like the rabbit hole has swallowed me further. I stopped the meds over a month ago and I don't think that's what's taken me over. Why can't I be in the moment? I am stressed about now, then, and later when it's all out of my hands. I want…

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• Need inspiration

  November 16, 2024

  I'm sitting at work right now contemplating death. Well not really, but God it's wearing on me. What is this all for?! I don't go home to a family no more. I really have nothing to look forward to. My hours are being cut back so I just barely make enough to survive. I have…

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• AI

  November 14, 2024

  I'm thinking I'm at a point of loneliness that I would look into doing an AI companion. Why not? Maybe unlike the "people" in my life, someone will answer. Return my messages. Just talk to me. I currently have several important messages out there floating around and no one answers, but if the sho...

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• Bed

  November 14, 2024

  I realize it's the depression but I've been just staying in bed. I have 2 days off and I wasted the whole day in bed. Somewhat forcing myself to stay in bed. Thank God I promised to take my sone to karate or I would still be there. I know it's not healthy, but thinking…

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• Write

  November 13, 2024

  Another hard day. I know, broken record. Work isn't the escape I was hoping for. I was actually quite excited to be back and sufficient until I wasn't. I make enough at the rate I get and the hours, but I didn't account for the fact that 4 months unemployed causes a lot of baggage.…

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• Struggling

  November 12, 2024

  Im fighting it tonight. Life's choices really kicking my ass. Trouble seeing the good from the bad. My kids are like life's little tortures. They keep me from totally giving up when all I want to is give up. I've made a series of poor choices and have had many made for me. I was…

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• Is this what it’s like

  November 10, 2024

  I can't seem to get my head around divorce, no shit right? I feel completely selfish living my life when I have children a half a mile away that I can be with. Only, I can't. They don't live in my home. My place is a small efficiency deadzone. Dark and dreary and I just…

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