Recent Entries

• Shadows

  April 27, 2025

  I made the realization that I don't deserve to live in my dreams. Every time I have attempted it goes to shit. I live in the shadows of other people's lives and dreams. I have my exs all I could take and they left. I am just a part time Father and a forgotten brother.…

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• Belonging

  April 23, 2025

  Lately I've felt as though I don't belong to or with anything. At work, I bust my ass and never hear about it. At home, I never hear from my kids or family or friends. I fight to get out of bed, which should be easy because I just lay and dwell. I just feel…

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• Feel like shit

  April 13, 2025

  I feel like shit. The meds work, but the rest of it doesn't. I've been eating like shit and too much to feel the void. I don't have a real kitchen to cook properly in, nor do I have the want to shop for the "right" food. I spend my days mostly sleeping or working.…

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• Why?

  April 10, 2025

  Why is it you have things you want to talk about and get off your chest, it comes two weeks before a therapy session? I'm beginning to believe there is no grey area to me. Once people are done with me, they're done. In a world of Facebook and Internet, I don't think I've ever…

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• Connection

  April 6, 2025

  I long for a connection I will probably never have again. I long for the love and family I once had several years ago and lost without any reason that was ever explained to me. I see my children, but don't really raise them. Another man along with my ex does that now. I don't…

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• Birthday

  March 30, 2025

  Today is Ethan's 13 birthday. I'm invited to my sister's where she and my BIL hold court like his parents. I casually sit off to the side, grateful I'm a part of something. Don't usually get invites. I feel old, ugly, and out of place. I have at these since the divorce almost 7 years…

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• Unneeded

  March 28, 2025

  Lately I've desicover how unnecessary I am to other people in my life that you would think I should be. Two ex wives who moved on within seconds. Kids who went along with them without missing a beat. Friends who forgot who I am and siblings that wish I never came around. No one still…

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• Concert time again

  March 19, 2025

  So there they are, my sister and ex wife and him all sitting and chatting like dear old friends again. Yeah, I know it's been years although I'm still stuck. I just don't know how to live this life like this. Wouldn't hurt so much if she didn't just buy my two sons and him…

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• Been a while

  March 16, 2025

  It's been awhile since I have wrote. Just kinda stayed in my head for some time. Since I last wrote the holidays have passed and I became a year older. I tried to go out for St. Patrick's Day dinner, but everything is packed. I really don't have a family to make it at home…

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