Recent Entries

• Restart?

  January 3, 2025

  I'm an hour early at my psychiatrist appointment today. Just couldn't sit at home thinking. Really not sure how this will go. I realize I'm going to need meds to get me through life now. Trust me I would rather have family and friend support, but that's not happening. This holiday season sucked. ...

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• Sick

  December 29, 2024

  I've been really depressed these last few days, to the point where the lines are blurred between whether or not I'm sick. I know anxiety and depression can physically effect you so I don't know if I'm literally just sick. Or am I just in the usual "given up" mood. Today has been hard. I…

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• Unofficial Christmas with boys

  December 27, 2024

  Well, it didn't happen today. This was probably one of the worst days I've had in a long time. They all had "other" plans. I had day off from work, where according to the hundred of texts I've received in the last few hours is a fucking mess. I don't even manage the place, yet…

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• For some reason

  December 27, 2024

  I'm not feeling it today. I can't ever sleep in any more, my body has a way of saying "it's time" and I can't just lay comfortably in bed. Thing is today I woke up horribly depressed. Like not wanting to go on depressed. I've been somewhat on and off again crying for whatever reasons…

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• Christmas night

  December 25, 2024

  Well the kids are now back at their Mom's.. No one wanted to spend the night here. Good old Google cloud decided to put up "memories" which all happen to be pre divorced Christmas, so yeah there another reason on top of the other hundred. I know I have some crazy part of me that…

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• Christmas day

  December 25, 2024

  After 9 hours at work, I finally got the invite to my sister's house for dinner with the kids. I almost hate to say this, but I don't feel comfortable here. Almost feel in the way. The kids are in Aunt mode and really aren't giving me any attention. I don't have gifts today. I…

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• Christmas

  December 21, 2024

  I don't have it in me. The "Christmas" spirit. I miss it. I've tried this year, I did. This year I literally have nothing for the boys. No special specific gifts. I really don't know them anymore. I don't even know me anymore. I'm miserable, that's all I know. The happiness is somewhere in me.&he...

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• Rough day

  December 19, 2024

  What a day it's been. My manic thoughts have essentially ruined my brain today. I just dumped way too much money on a car repair and now the boys are fighting at the ex's again. Would they be better if I was there? I don't know. Seems I'm to wrapped up in my own mellowdramma…

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• Even more

  December 19, 2024

  I'm a wreck. I am doing it to myself. I know this, but I continue to do it. Just crying it out doesn't help anymore and the begging and pleading to my friends and family, falls on deaf ears. What can they do anyway? Maybe it's just a Hallmark world where people, family comes together…

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