Recent Entries

• Why?

  April 10, 2025

  Why is it you have things you want to talk about and get off your chest, it comes two weeks before a therapy session? I'm beginning to believe there is no grey area to me. Once people are done with me, they're done. In a world of Facebook and Internet, I don't think I've ever…

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• Connection

  April 6, 2025

  I long for a connection I will probably never have again. I long for the love and family I once had several years ago and lost without any reason that was ever explained to me. I see my children, but don't really raise them. Another man along with my ex does that now. I don't…

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• Birthday

  March 30, 2025

  Today is Ethan's 13 birthday. I'm invited to my sister's where she and my BIL hold court like his parents. I casually sit off to the side, grateful I'm a part of something. Don't usually get invites. I feel old, ugly, and out of place. I have at these since the divorce almost 7 years…

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• Unneeded

  March 28, 2025

  Lately I've desicover how unnecessary I am to other people in my life that you would think I should be. Two ex wives who moved on within seconds. Kids who went along with them without missing a beat. Friends who forgot who I am and siblings that wish I never came around. No one still…

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• Concert time again

  March 19, 2025

  So there they are, my sister and ex wife and him all sitting and chatting like dear old friends again. Yeah, I know it's been years although I'm still stuck. I just don't know how to live this life like this. Wouldn't hurt so much if she didn't just buy my two sons and him…

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• Been a while

  March 16, 2025

  It's been awhile since I have wrote. Just kinda stayed in my head for some time. Since I last wrote the holidays have passed and I became a year older. I tried to go out for St. Patrick's Day dinner, but everything is packed. I really don't have a family to make it at home…

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• Not meant to be

  January 13, 2025

  So 2 weeks ago a woman re-entered my life out of nowhere. Well tonight I learned that's where it goes, nowhere. Maybe it's me? I wear it like a stink. I guess I'm not meant to be with anyone. I used to have so much to give when I was married. And I gave it…

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• Restart?

  January 3, 2025

  I'm an hour early at my psychiatrist appointment today. Just couldn't sit at home thinking. Really not sure how this will go. I realize I'm going to need meds to get me through life now. Trust me I would rather have family and friend support, but that's not happening. This holiday season sucked. ...

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• Sick

  December 29, 2024

  I've been really depressed these last few days, to the point where the lines are blurred between whether or not I'm sick. I know anxiety and depression can physically effect you so I don't know if I'm literally just sick. Or am I just in the usual "given up" mood. Today has been hard. I…

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