my thoughts are as volatile as alcohol
and so is my existence
the day I go under there wont even be
a ripple on the pond to remind you of me

Latest Entry

How Much Retro is Too Much?

December 29, 2024
How much retro is too much? For me, I crank the dial up until my eyes hurt, then turn it down a notch. That’s the sweet spot. Retro’s magic is in its excess, but the key is knowing when to stop. Just enough to make you smile. I want to be irresponsible, charge through life,…
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Recent Entries

  • Finally
    November 29, 2024
    Dear <bos>, Please accept this as my formal resignation. Thank you for the opportunities. Best, <me> ... Send! It feels SOOO GOD DAMN GOOOOD, walking away. The horizon ahead is mine, and for the first time in forever, the air tastes electric again.
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  • BENNETT
    November 1, 2024
    Vois sur ton chemin (Techno Mix), on super top volume. Repeat. Friday night late. Stimming like my life depends on it. This is MY space, no interference. It’s a loop, a controlled substance that feels like freedom, and maybe a little, like escape... Am I just feeling irritation, or is it contempt...
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  • Something Strange
    September 5, 2024
    Today, on my way home, I was on the train, listening to an audiobook, Way Back by Sara Cox. It’s an easy, no-frills read, the kind that doesn’t demand much focus. No complicated plots or endless names to remember, perfect for my neurodivergent brain. Just smooth sailing, enjoying something simple...
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  • Friends
    August 23, 2024
    Tonight, we had our neighbors over for dinner. They brought their little baby, who's 8 months old now, so they couldn’t stay too late. But honestly, it didn’t matter. Just having them around and enjoying their company made the evening special. They're such kind people. A bookmark in the story of ...
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  • Solice
    July 5, 2024
    Today was different. I woke up to the familiar hum of the city outside my window. No grand revelations, no nothing. Just everyday things. And it was enough. This morning, I found myself in the park, sitting on a bench beneath a tree. Its leaves whispered secrets of countless seasons. People walke...
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  • Echoes of Absence
    June 21, 2024
    Every time I come here, it looks like a wasteland... Just no BEETHOVEN anywhere around...   no BEETHOVEN BEETHOVEN beethoven beethovn beethov ho ebt eeb ee e e   am i the only one ? why is it so much to ask for ?? cant we just give the damn mushrooms some fucking   BEETHOVEN  ???!!!!&he...
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  • Moonlight sonata
    June 14, 2024
    This evening, I lay on the couch, listening to Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata on my headphones, when God came down and touched me… And it felt so… incredibly good… so good so good   but as i turn to you, my beloved friend, and hold you by the shoulder, i cannot tell you. i cannot tell…
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  • Where would you like to be in 5 years
    June 7, 2024
    Where would you like to be in 5 years from today? In five years, I hope to be here... And as I touch my face, my skin feels soft... The form and texture, I enjoy touching... Also, being touched, softly on my face, is surprisingly pleasant.... Before I continue, I just want to tell you.…
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  • Placeholder
    April 26, 2024
    There is something I want to say, not now, not today... I just feel so far away, drifting of. The reoccurring memory of my youth, sun setting in the laboratory of my father, the afternoon sun reflecting of the flasks... Could my life have been better? I miss the life I had.
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