#personal
Very close
Today, I attended my first ever session with my psychotherapist. We had spoken on the phone a few days prior and now have met in person. She was nice and welcoming and we began talking about my avoidance. I learned a few valuable things that I can take into consideration. Most notably, for me, th...
Out of control
I don't know if its just me, but sometimes I get these flashes. These flashes of pure blind rage, bitterness, pettiness, and helplessness mixed together. I still really don't understand what it is, if its normal for everyone to have that. I find that I mumble to myself during it, too. Or I keel o...
Waiting
I think the hardest part about being alone is waiting. Waiting for the right time to say something, waiting for the right time to reach out. Sitting here, going about life the way I always have, it's not exactly difficult. The problem is not knowing what time is the right time. You don't wanna as...
Wits End
Wits End I was looking for a public journal or diary because I wanted to share my feelings and frustrations about myself. I'm hoping that eventually this can be developed further and I can share this with those I love because as of right now, I am at my wits end. I am troubled, very…
I can’t think
I can’t think anymore. I don’t know how to participate in conversation. My boyfriend made a comment earlier that stuck with me. He said “it’s funny how when you play the sims, I do most of the talking, and now that I’m playing the sims, I’m still doing most of the talking.” He laughed but…
Turbulent times and the calm we all hope for
In my turbulent times as a child, loud music, usually operatic tenors Mario Lanza or Enrico Caruso, was used to hide any other noises, your imagination should fill in the blanks, if it doesn't; lucky you. So as an adult I wasn't a big fan as you hopefully hopefully also imagined. I am a voracio...
Stuff what I wrote [a tribute to Ernie Wise]
Something I wrote for an actual writing class that I managed to attend [mostly]. One person suggested it was plagiarism which was a tad upsetting, mainly because it isn't. On reflection [that's a theme of mine] I decided that it was a compliment of sorts, in that it was good enough to have be...
My first wander
I used to Blog, not for any great reason, I would just get the urge now and then, to Blog as well. That was back in the good old days, when some parts of the Internet weren't trying to sell me something; or send me copious e-mails about how great whatever I was doing…
The Beginning
It's just one of those days where you don't know left from right or up from down. I'm struggling with so many things, yet it doesn't seem like much. Everybody tells me I am doing such a good job, yet I get no freedom. I'm living under a constant watchful eye who criticizes and never…