#motherhood

It's little after 9am and I'm writing my first diary entry in what feels like years. I'm not sure I ever wrote a true diary entry, and I'm 40 years old. My eyes are swollen from last nights lack of sleep, and I'm already questioning my use of commas which I've never been good at…

Mum will say sometimes "I always knew I wanted to be a mother." She'd talk proudly about how well organised and conscientious she was looking after three young children. And by that measure alone she was a great mother. In my late twenties we were driving somewhere and she said, "You know, your b...

This week has been incredibly hard. I thought I had the flu. I was throwing up all night a few nights ago. Then I slept for 20 hours straight. I've been pouring sweat for days. But I think it's something more. I think something strange is going on with my body. I haven't been able…

I don't even know where to start except that it's 3 am and I'm crying in the living room again. I feel so lonely. God I feel so lonely. I get the distinct feeling that my husband doesn't like me very much. We don't connect. If we do, it's literally for like, 3 seconds maybe…

I had a beautiful day today! The most beautiful part is that nothing particularly special happened, but I'm still so very happy. I finally feel consistent peace and satisfaction, joy even. I love my son so much. We have a nice routine. My husband is so supportive and kind. He offered to let me sl...

I have been reading for hours and hours the past few days. It's been a long time since I've had a book that I couldn't put down. I feel like a bad mother because I've been so engrossed in my book that I haven't played with my baby as much as I usually do. Last…

every day really is perfect. the memories I so desperately cling to are shrouded in mist and gold when I think back on them, never noticing the aura of beauty encapsulating my present moments. the ones that will eventually become memories. everything feels so profound when looking back, you know....

My son turns one this month. He's my only child so far, and it's been a very stressful one year with him. When he was born in 2020, I was a very different person. I had zero patience, a poor diet, terrible money management skills, and no serious future goals. It's been such a challenge…

Got an email that this site was back and had to re-read my old entries..... it’s just so much. Each entry brings all those emotions back, plus seeing them now with the knowledge I have now, it’s hard. You always hear people say “It seems important now, but give it time”, or “You’ll understand whe...