#healing

I've mentioned briefly that I'm an OG open diary writer I've also mentioned my desire to be an author.... I SO badly want to be a published writer. So much so that in 2002, I had a title for a novel - little did I know it would take 23 years to come to life.…

Music has been my therapy the past month.  I have turned to YouTube to select the fate of my day. Some days it sets me up for success and I'm able to function. Others, it wants me to heal and I spend the day inwardly reflecting and there's tears - a lot of tears. Music…

It's amazing to see how someone's feelings towards another can change so drastically. Reading the notes that I've written once makes me realize that that version of me looks and sounds so in love until the point of blindness. Now that the spell wore off, I am starting to see the reality of things...

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of posting this in public.  I guess I feel kinda dumb writing thoughts down to no one.  So, dear diary I guess.  Tomorrow will be the first day without smoking weed in a long time.  And honestly, it's only because I'm getting surgery.  I'm getting surgery&h...

It's 11:07pm and Iam currently sitting in bed with a lavender heat pack wrapped around my neck, listening to Bilateral Stimulation music (soft BLS tones), with a true crime documentary eating popping candy. Ive had 2 minor anxiety attacks today, in between my attacks I feel fantastic. calm and re...

If you haven’t read "Intro to the OC Chapters", I highly recommend starting there for some background on the events and emotions shared in these chapters. OC's mother (we'll call her MC for "Mother of my Children") and I had been together since 2004 and were married in 2006. OC and her younger br...

This is a series of chapters where I will be unfolding a deeply personal story that has shaped who I am today. It is my sincere hope that through the telling of this story, I can find some level of peace with the events that transpired and perhaps reconcile with myself for the person I…

"imagine yourself unafraid. you have no doubts, no worries, no fears of the unknown. the things you used to worry about do not exist. write about what you would do if this was the case. what would do you if you weren't afraid?"  i would be more social. i would go to parties; meet more…

I would have to say I'm a pretty lucky girl, or rather forget the word lucky; blessed. You see there's this entire world out there, full of people of different backgrounds, different cultures and traditions, and a lot of them haven't heard about something that most of us can't imagine not knowing...

... and tonight I'm drowning... I want to be happy... but I don't know how to fix myself. I've learned to sit with my feelings and hurt for a while and then move on when they are over, but lately it seems like there are too many and I'm not better off than months ago.…