Recent Entries

• No more training wheels

  August 3, 2024

  I feel like it could be a metaphor. For what, I’m not sure yet. Ive been swimming in joy, in pride of his pride, the overwhelming emotions projected by his confidence. How odd it is that there’s a weight lifted from your shoulders, a weight you didn’t know existed—that you just felt, when you wit...

  Continue Reading...

• Well

  July 12, 2024

  We slept in today. That was my break. I didn’t get up and take Z to daycare, as it turned out he wasn’t feeling fell anyways. We layed in bed all morning, let his dad know and he picked him up late this afternoon. he almost made it inside, their dad that is. he was…

  Continue Reading...

• I need a break I think

  July 11, 2024

  My problem is when I have a break, my breaks are to shut down. The thing I dislike about myself the most is that normal things, like doing a load of laundry or taking a bath, waking up to my child needing me during my “rest periods” makes me feel like I have to start…

  Continue Reading...

• Mid summer nights forgotten dream

  July 9, 2024

  This summer already feels like such a blur. I did a lot more cleaning of this house today. I was told thank you, I told them I didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes.  Those things, on the counter, I wasn’t sure if some were sentimental so I tucked them away and he shook his…

  Continue Reading...

• Here are some highlights of today

  July 4, 2024

  My one brother said he was in a good mood, and was clearly happy. Living the days moments on a positive, peaceful wavelength. I hate the term “rose colored glasses” because it’s mean. It’s demeaning to the people who have suffered so harshly yet have worked SO HARD to learn that reality is purely...

  Continue Reading...

• Would you believe me if I told you…

  July 3, 2024

  …that I found a can of broccoli soup in my kitchen cupboard from 1998? Because that happened today. Im hard on myself about the progress I don’t make, especially in comparison to others. Now this is it, my claim to fame at 32 years old… I cleaned out the kitchen cabinets that haven’t been touched...

  Continue Reading...

• Baby woke up

  July 2, 2024

  I hit publish on that last entry, not because I was I was ready for I finally fall asleep but because baby woke up. She’s feeding now, only to be embraced by slumber shortly. im not sure if i will sleep tonight. Im trying, with the melatonin, the silence. Closing my eyes for hours without…

  Continue Reading...

• My moms sweater still hangs outside

  July 2, 2024

  It’s been a year and a half since she died and it’s still there. Dirty, moldy, but there. Nobody has touched it. It’s not even placed where she left it, unbothered, because it fell to the wooded planks this last winter, the weight of the snow pushing it off the chair. i cleaned my room…

  Continue Reading...

• :(

  June 14, 2024

  I’ve been frustrated all day today. This happens often. I’ll have days where I didn’t achieve any of the things I wanted to and it leaves me up at night spiraling in my thoughts about how I haven’t gotten anywhere in life and never will. I’m a fraud. Incapable of creating the life I want.…

  Continue Reading...