Recent Entries

• Less Mess

  August 11, 2024

  Good news is for some reason, perhaps that I don’t sit at a computer or I am moving all the time since it’s summer, my body isn’t in pain and I can handle my medicine. It’s become something I rely on. Something that I am afraid to not have. It numbs me, in a sense.…

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• Mess

  April 11, 2024

  I was doing really well. And I was pretty happy that I had solved some of my dysregulation. And then stuff occurred. Like the side effects from Lexapro. Like things that are close to serotonin syndrome and the pain in my neck (literally) and shoulders that is muscle stiffness which is a bad sign ...

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• Call it Magic

  April 3, 2024

  The saddest and most real epiphany has occurred. Looking back on thousands of entries. Literally. Looking back on all the written diaries little me started in the past. Just desperately wanted my feelings out there. Just needing to tell someone who would listen. Which was no one. It was just me. ...

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• Pressure Machine

  December 27, 2023

  Today is a day that is important. I wish I could have been my mother. Today I finally got medicine for my anxiety which may also be ADHD, but they treat the anxiety first. I could feel the medication almost immediately. It was subtle, but it felt like someone turned down my brain that never…

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• At Minimum

  August 26, 2023

  I feel like I live in the Twilight Zone most days because I don’t know what life I’m living or why I’m living it. I am a mom so I suppose that’s why. It still doesn’t feel like my life because I don’t really have a dad that is my dad. My mom is sick…

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• You Again

  February 17, 2023

  Today I had a panic attack on a non kid day in front of lots of teachers because I was unaware that in five minutes I was to attend a training with the one principal in my life that I cannot remotely handle. He was the principal who told me I shouldn’t talk poorly about…

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• A Valentine

  February 14, 2023

  Dear Me, Today your son said he loved his family and then he said he loved himself. And that was important. I don’t know if you love yourself but in case you do not, here are some things we know deep down about ourselves. I know you wish your family raised you in a more…

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• Little Sister

  February 7, 2023

  If I were to have had a little brother or sister I would’ve treated them in a kind way and looked out for them. Things I wouldn’t have done: Made fun of them all the time over stupid things. Judged their life choices all the time. Micromanaged their life choices and when they didn’t like…

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• The Problem In Being Correct

  December 14, 2022

  I am mostly doom and gloom when it comes to things in my life. So when I was absolutely positive my parents wouldn’t take care of their health and my mom’s incredible stress at my father’s dementia finally has taken its toll like I said it would, I don’t even know how to react. I…

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