Just looking for an outlet. I have thoughts and feelings that aren't safe to keep locked away. Opening up may be a process and I'll probably jog in a lot of circles, but I'll try. I'll always try.

Latest Entry

Two sided

February 1, 2019
I feel like my head is constantly split between logical and emotional thinking, with the logical usually being the dominant trait.  I can portray either side fluidly with friends. I can be the "Man, that sucks, I'm sorry you are going through that" friend or the "Well, rules are rules. At least y...
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Recent Entries

  • Passive suicidal ideation
    January 31, 2019
    I needed to see the name of this without knowing I needed to see it.  I've never seen myself as suicidal. I never attempted suicide. I've never even attempted to plan suicide. But. There are these nagging thoughts. These times where I have this little voice in my head that says "Well, you could j...
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  • Spirals
    January 15, 2019
    What a weird few days. There was drama in the air Friday night. BF was temperamental, so much so that I let him know that I won't stand for it anymore. I let him know that walking on eggshells isn't my style and I won't be in a home with fist holes in the wall.…
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  • The work week
    January 9, 2019
    I wrote a whole entry. I took a while because I was talking to my bf some, texting my friend about "You", researching some made up vacation I want to take, and doing my nightly supplement routine. I guess I got logged out. I hit save, it asked me to log back in and *POOF*…
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  • Scratch that
    January 6, 2019
    How I started this entry: "Title: Today is a good day Entry: I don't want to say "Today is a good day" as if I don't have good days often. I do. Most of my days are good. But today, I got up with a purpose and a plan. I started back on my all day…
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  • Motivation to move
    January 5, 2019
    I need to get off my ass. I have been so lazy in the last few weeks that even Fitbit has commented. I need to move. It took me 2 hours of Facebook scrolling and complete dread of touching the floor to even get out of bed this morning. I wasn't hungry, I have been…
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  • BPD diagnosis
    January 5, 2019
    When I first moved here, I fought with depression for the first time. I didn't see my previous highs and lows as an issue since they were brushed off as "hormones" by my family.  I didn't understand why I was depressed, so I started seeing a therapist. I went for months. I talked and talked.…
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  • My opening statement
    January 4, 2019
    To start... I had an OD account as a teen. 8th grade or so? Maybe two accounts. I am not sure how I actually disassociated back then. I feel like I had two accounts. One my friends could read and one I could be "honest" on.  Honest has never been a strong trait for me.…
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