The trick in life is learning how to deal with it. -Helen Mirren

This is me finally trying to figure it out.

Thirtysomething, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Animal Videos, Fantasy, Hopeless Romantic, Trying, Failing, oh! And I loved unicorns before loving unicorns was cool!! <_<

Latest Entry

I just called to say- nevermind.

July 3, 2018
Getting a hold of my mom is a feat. Its sad because I actually want to talk to her. I want to cry to her about my recent test results. I want her to know that while I put on a brave face for everyone else, I'm scared. Maybe I know that she's unavailable and…
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Recent Entries

  • I once was lost but now I’m dissociated…
    June 26, 2018
    I made it to Cali and back. The trip was okay. The lines at Knott's were long and the kids were being annoying. Thankfully, they were willing to call it a day early. Hanging out with my big brother is always fun. I think there's a sense of home and security with him; he reminds…
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  • Anxiety
    June 21, 2018
    I'm going to be taking the boys to Cali this weekend and Donny isn't coming with because his new job sucks and he works weekends. I REALLY don't want to go but I told the kids about Knotts already and I can't take it back. There's some relief in knowing I'm only a four hour…
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  • TBI
    June 19, 2018
    So I work in a neuro-rehab facility; we rehabilitate people with brain injuries. Today I started "Qualified Brain Injury Support Provider" training. Its basically a certification offered to those of us that have been with the company for a while. I already know quite a bit about brain injuries th...
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  • Look inside…
    June 19, 2018
    To love me is to be hurt by me. I don't do it on purpose. We can be at the point where you think everything is going to be okay, where you let your guard down and fall in love with me again...but the bull comes running into the china shop and every thing is…
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  • Life Unyielding
    June 18, 2018
    I want to write, damnit. I want to write and I want everyone to read it so that way, at the end when everyone stares at the carcass formerly known as Desi, they will understand the hows and whys. They'll sigh and pity this fleeting life, but deep down inside they'll all know they had…
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  • Forgive, forget.
    October 22, 2017
    Hey Journal. It's been a while. I'm in Nevada now. California didn't work out, and we knew it wouldn't, but we had to try...and what a trying 5 years it was. I'm glad its over. Since moving to Las Vegas, I've met some remarkable people, but one person in particular stands out. Like, I was…
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  • I’m here
    March 16, 2017
    A year ago...that's when things turned around. It was Easter Sunday and I had a huge fight with Donny that ended in me exploding and our relationship over...at least for a few days. It was also a new beginning for us. I finally sought the help I so desperately needed; counseling and medication. N...
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  • Sooooo…
    May 23, 2013
    You say you don't like it when you speak about others publicly...does that mean it's better to gossip? You say that you don't like it when people stick their noses in other people's business...but isn't your involvement in this doing just that? Correct me if I am wrong please, but I just thought ...
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  • Dear Mother
    April 7, 2013
    I started this entry spilling my guts about all the evils you are; reliving every horror you ever put me through. But I stopped and deleted it because I realize that you simply aren't worth the grief.  I spent too much time crying, wishing that you could be the kind of mom that any kid…
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