Recent Entries

• Holidays and PTSD

  December 15, 2018

  Christmas and end of the year always affect me. I’ve had nightmares almost every night since November and now December. About people that abused me. It’s stressful waking up and not let it affect me or my day. I don’t want to worry my husband so I no longer say anything about the nightmares.  Fin...

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• Worry and Early Waking

  December 13, 2018

  I’m up super early again. It’s almost 5am here. I just ate a small bag of cookies in less than 10 minutes. I binge eat when I have uncomfortable emotions I have a hard time dealing with. Worried about all kinds of stuff right now. Listening to Global Monster by Heatbeat. I love electronic dance&h...

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• Friendship & Abuse

  December 12, 2018

  I have a friend that was married 8 years to an abusive man. They finally divorced, but still remain friends.  He did awful things and said horrible stuff and yet she forgives him and he’s around her home constantly. I visit her from time to time. He makes me really uncomfortable. He indirectly in...

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• Energy

  December 11, 2018

  My body always feels drained of energy. I can sleep 12-14 or more hours and not feel rested. I had anemia and now I’m not anemic anymore thanks to iron pills and birth control shots.  Yet, I’m still just as tired. I’m thinking of going to my medical doctor on Friday to see if I…

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• Visits

  December 9, 2018

  I try to visit my family at least twice a month if not more.  It’s difficult to visit when dad is an abusive ass. He still insults, makes fun of you, and really gets under my skin. His negative energy and the anger I have towards him for being so physically abusive in the past.…

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• Looks

  December 8, 2018

  I don’t think I’ll ever feel beautiful. Once upon a time my husband made me feel that way, but the more I get to know him the more I question why he’s even with me? He loves feminine women. Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds, many of the Star Trek, and sci fi women, and just…

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• Ultrasounds

  December 7, 2018

  Had a pelvic and breasts. I didn't want to have the exams. Lately I don't want to go to the doctor or have anymore tests. I'm frustrated that doctors can't find the reasons why I'm always tired. Also the gyno at an earlier appointment diagnosed me with PCOS from my blood results that my Testoster...

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