Recent Entries

• Free from Hell hole

  April 24, 2023

  Finally free from all my exes. Don't feel shit for them anymore. The occasional anger pops up, anger at them and anger at myself for hoping for a bright outcome. Especially Max, I cried last time 'cause of him and here I thought I was over him but yet had hope of him being mine…

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• how to dismantle shared fantasy

  April 18, 2023

  GO STEP BY STEP WITH THERAPIST DEFINE EACH FANTASY GRIEVE IT- this will never happen and this will never happen it- allow the grieving to pass- the parts that u liked  u can regroup to yourself ID WHAT U WANT IN THE NEXT RELATIONSHIP

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• Max part 2500

  April 5, 2023

  I have no feelings for him. I haven't in a while, it's hard to connect to someone who doesn't even want you around. He doesn't want me, doesn't talk to me unless being forced, it's like pulling a donkey that wants to go the opposite direction. Why am I holding on to this stupid donkey?…

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• Letter to his soul- m.

  February 10, 2023

  I never regret the lessons that I learn from the men that I meet. And I also don't wanna feel sorry for myself because I don't want those hard lessons to go to waste. The best lesson is to always apply the knowledge you learned the hard way. That way it's not time wasted. That…

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• Round and around

  February 3, 2023

  I know it's over. But is it really over? Is it easier to mourn the pain of a lost pain than it is to be bored and feel nothing? I sit around with nothing to do. I try to entertain myself. Do I need supply? Do I crave it? Do I need attention? Do I…

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• To to seen

  January 1, 2023

  My anger is deep deep sadness. The sadness of betrayal, the sadness of being rejected, the sadness of an ending. All those things are sad but what lies underneath is the need to be seen. It's our basic human need. Just like a toddler who reaches out to you when you get distracted, to that…

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• P. so called friends (personal)

  December 19, 2022

  I don't know why I care about her opinion when she literally contributed NOTHING to my life- not even support of ANY kind- I was just her punching bag for her own self-hate. Your life is in a pile of shit- you never had a healthy relationship, you're full of depression and you're telling me…

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• BIGGEST HEARTBREAK

  December 13, 2022

  It's hard to say goodbye to someone who you wish was still in your life. I don't want to say goodbye, I have to. I have to because if let him back in, he will continue the same pattern. It's a classic formula for disrespect. Once it's set, there is no changing it no matter…

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• Toxic friends 2.0

  December 12, 2022

  It's one thing to know which friends are toxic and to know when to keep your distance but it's another thing to be in the process of figuring out that that bitch who keeps invalidating you is toxic AF. And at first, it's confusing because you already let her into your world. You already establish...

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