Recent Entries

• Pain

  September 1, 2022

  No one knows what It feels like to be in my head. It’s erratic and confusing and exhausting. At times I think I’m okay but then I wonder am I really?! the hardest thing to do is to stay alive. Everyday I think about how much easier it’ll be if I was just dead. I…

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• Keeping my mind busy

  August 18, 2022

  Mental health office called again. Pushing me to find another doctor. It just reassures how I feel unwanted and too much of a "hassle" to deal with. Yesterday was his court date, I haven't heard back from the DA office on what happened. I can sit here and say I don't care but I do.…

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• Home

  August 16, 2022

  What is "home"? When I think of my home, I don't think of one at all. For 10 years, I had a home. One I built for my son and busted my ass for. I left it and although I could have always came back, it wasn't the same. It doesn't feel like my home…

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• Emotions

  June 1, 2022

  Since we got back from our vacation I have been feeling so many emotions at once. I'm happy but sad. I love someone but I hate someone. I absolutely hate how I feel. It actually happens all the time honestly. And some times it's not even like a "flip of the switch". I literally feel…

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• History

  May 29, 2022

  Will I ever be the one? I didn’t think I was going to end up writing this weekend. My son, my boyfriend, and I went up north to a campsite with my boyfriends entire family. Extended too. Although my son did act up and disappear a few times, everything was going pretty good. My boyfriend…

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• Sleep is for the Peaceful

  May 25, 2022

  That’s so true! Sleep is for the peaceful mind. The wicked never sleep! WHELP, that’s because our brains never shut the fuck up. Here is a rendition of my bedtime… oh I’m sleepy let me lay down… oh let’s cuddle… well this is boring and I hate this show so let me roll over because…

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• Mania

  May 24, 2022

  When I was in Mania a year ago I had no idea that I actually was in mania. Would I recognize if I went back into mania? The past few days have been a tornado of events, emotions, and disappointment. My emotions were so erratic. I'm in a middle of an attack for multiple reasons…

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• Emotions

  May 18, 2022

  "How are you feeling today?" Well, that's an open ended question for me. Yesterday was not any better. I stayed in bed mostly all day. I did attempt in the morning to clean but my body and mind just didn't want to function. I ended up taking a medication holiday yesterday. I did not talk…

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• Obsolete

  May 17, 2022

  When I was a sophomore in high school I wrote this poem about feeling obsolete. I can not remember exactly how it went but it was something along the lines of me sitting on Big Ben (in London where my father lived at the time) and being able to look into his window and feeling…

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