real entries are fun! in a row

ok so I’m actually gonna write a real entry today.  I feel like I have plenty to talk about.  about the other real entry I want to thank ALL of my friends who gave me advice because that’s exactly what I needed.  Because you know what?  I realize I was totally overreacting.  I don’t have a Relationship with *anyone* yet, but I do have a few new friends whom are getting most of my attention.  Essentially I have a crush on more than one girl at the same time but it’s nothing more critical than that.  I’ll just see what happens as far as who I’m still talking to/enjoying the company of/going to visit in ohhhh six months from now.  Then maybe I’ll be able to put some of that advice to real use if I find I’m stuck.

Now that that is out of the way…. I hate sentences that use the same word twice in a row to make sense…. well I suppose some of you have noticed by now, but for those whom have not: I changed my diary font.  I liked the look of papyrus but it didn’t make for very cute emotes and it was generally difficult to read.  At least to me.  I switched to Comic Sans because it’s much more comfortable to me.  It’s also what I use in my instant messangers.

I think my intent to start a webcomic got burried in a previous entry.  I’ll re-post what I wrote here.

…I’ve been tearing into the webcomics lately.  I’ve even started MY VERY OWN WEB COMIC.  I am in need of artists because I am lazy.  These are a few of my new favs:
http://devilspanties.keenspot.com/d/20030408.html
http://www.pawn.se/index.html
http://www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=010302
and I KNOW I know I know.  8-bit theater is one fo my old favs.  but it has the most relevance to my own comic.  Which brings up an important detail… O.o  It needs a name!  so help me out here.  The main character is a fighter.  Since the stereotypical fighter is a dumbass I thought it would expand my punchline pool if I made the fighter the smartest one in the party, and being surrounded by morons drives him crazy.  Plus, since he’s a fighter, everyone automaticly assumes he’s dumb as a box of hair and he fights hard to get past that hurdle.  We’ve also got a 97 year old level 1 wizard who is mostly deaf and has to read lips to understand anyone at all.  Then we’ve got the ninja.  He not only wears black, he IS black.  Despite being a ninja and being a total badass, he’s relatively incompetent.  He’s also gay.  Then there’s the HOT stacked female bard.  All of her spells are cast through yodeling, and she’s as dumb as the stereotypical fighter.  Then there’s the paladin of Heironeous who is a goody goody and is Lawful Stupid.  Finally there’s the obligatory cat girl who will be a class of my own creation.  A Milk Maid.  A catnip addict and scatterbrained.  Anyway you’ll have to read it to learn more.

SO!  Time to let you in on a bit about my place of employment.  As you may have heard I work with my parents at their family owned and operated picture frame supply and custom framing shop.  The business is just about as old as I am at around 25 years and I’m a third generation picture framer.  On the verge of retirement, my dad has transfered 51% of the stock into my mother’s name so she is the business owner, while he still has 49%.  Anyway.  That’s not the stuff you want to know.  You want to know what it’s LIKE working at a frame shop.  Well… it’s really enjoyable.  At least it is to me.  Most of the time.  But it’s not the work that I don’t enjoy, it’s some of the people.

The employees are the worst culprits because I have to deal with them all day almost every day.  We’ll start with Rick… If you’ve ever heard the song "Charmless Man" by Blur, but that song describes him down to the last detail.  He’s the epitome of muckymuckery.  A self-important jerkass Republican whom we hired because he was bored with retirement and wanted something to do.  Also he had a lifetime of framing experience behind him, but that’s all eclipsed by his fuckingly blardasticious personality.  Yes I made up a word because I couldn’t find a word that meant quite the right thing.  Churlish seemed too mild to me.

As he feels like working he comes strolling in making a trombonic fanfare in his cavernous nasal cavity.  She same note every single time.  You could tune an orchestra to it if they knew the key of F minus.  He’s a bald man with a wreath of white hair and a nose fit for a president’s ass.  (He knows all of Ladybird Johnson’s secret service members personally and he often visits Bird as the occasion demands.)  His general attire consists of either shorts or khaki pants with flip-flops or crappy white Nike sneakers, with strange sheer polo-style shirts that perfectly accentuate his nasty man nipples, which he tucks in to accentuate his curvaceous gut of dead meat storage.  He wears one of his father’s teeth on a golden chain around his neck that dangles into his nasty chest hair and a gold wristwatch.

Every morning he decides to come in he brings powdered white donuts and a bottle of Coke to drink, which makes the thought of consuming either of these things so much less appealing to me lest I end up looking like him.  But then he also smokes because he doesn’t care what he smells like.  Though I did happen to notice a bottle of Stetson "saddle leather" cologne in the back bathroom.  I’m afraid of him actually using it.  Throughout the day he’ll wander around the back warehouse, over-feeding the shop cats, smoking a cigarette and talking on his cell phone.  Here is a typical conversation:

*stupid tropical music ringtone*
Rick: *checking his caller ID before answering by makeing a loud farting noise*
-Person who can stand talking to Rick responds-
R: ahahahahahamhmhm you’ll have plenty of time to be working on your golf swing.mahahahah.
-pause-
R: Don’t they have people to do that for you?
-pause-
R: Oh did you?  how’s y-how’s-how-how’s your mother?  ((likely the sound of him interrupting))
-pause-
R: Well I don’t know what she’s talking about.  Austin is a white city.  Make ’em move East ahahaha where all the riff-raff is ahahahaha.  Ooh lordy lordy.
-pause-
R: Well I… I ga- I gotta go.  Talk to you Thursdee.  Bye.  … Bye.  Bye.

This man has the fakest laugh ever.  He manages to sound all at once snobbish, uncaring, dull, fake, evil, and high-class… So much so that my mom and I have tried on many occasions to emulate it.  Actually… we practice our fake laughs but we can’t come anywhere close to Rick’s.  Plus the guy is a racist prick always complaining about the Japanese women in mini-vans whom apparently plague his commute by driving horribly in front of him.  I once heard him mutter "nigger nigger nigger NIGGER… NIGGER!" about a delivery man the moment the man was out of earshot.  That’s also the reason he never cleans up after himself.  He expects the women to do it.  This from a guy who stillmakes his ancient black nanny (like the woman who raised him up from childhood) do his laundry for him.  He’s incredibly messy and picking up after him puts ME in a bad mood, and even worse because he seems to think it’s "not in his job description" when he OUGHT to be doing every damn thing everyone else does as WELL as picking up after himself.  Whenever we need him he’s off wandering around vapidly in the back ahahahaha laughing his fake laugh and he is in general one of the most detestable, disagreeable people I have ever met in my life.  Anyway.  Next entry I get to skewer the other employee for being the most compoundingly annoying person on the face of the planet.  I’m done for now because I need to eat dinner.