green with envy?

I want a pet meep.  They have hands for feet.  oooh!  A green irridescent one would be shiney!  Green ball of fur.  I think the jolly green giant is kinda scary.  What if he were a magic card?  he’d pwn me.  tap to lob 2 green vegetable tokens at target player.  that’s right folks.  this here’s a genufied boneuine rant from the subconscious mind of teh sex.  and Sean is teh sex.  the piece of paper in the tip jar said so.  I don’t know what these pants are made out of, but I should get all my clothes made out of it.  ho ho ho!  He’s like a gaia-friendly mutant santa claus.  and he reproduces by budding.  that’s why we see a little sprout but no jolly green vaginant.  mmm I like to rub my feet on carpet.  it makes my palms sweat but it feels nice.  kitties are finally getting along.  Dot is de-clawed and it’s kinda depressing to see her try to use her claws that aren’t there.  I’m going to sharpen them for her.  so she can rip my arm to shreds.  awww but she’s too sweet for that.  she’ll just rub all up on me and act like she’s in heat.  now if only I can figure out how to get human girls to do this… maybe I should wear more makeup?  I’m still afraid jolly green jellosaurus will think I’m naughty and try to make me eat tomatos raw.  >.<  but what if he stalks me?  like some sort of celery killer.  There are so many plants that are totally deadly to people it’s unsettling to think about.  These things are ALIVE O.O  They FEED on things like sunlight and carbon dioxide.  things that would kill me!  it’s like being able to eat bullets.  or perhaps swallowing swords.  without taking them back out.  I need a pair of tights.  no I don’t.  that’s silly.  Sometimes you just have to take the big chances though.  I’m going to knock someone out cold one day because I’ll be wearing somethign completely inappropriate and they’ll just start chewing on a blowdryer and enrich many more tobbacco subsidies in a unilateral buttering.  If I had a toaster named Yolande I would freeze my garters in a honcho.  Thorny eyes reciprocate juice for unsuspecting reagents during the process of midwifery.  Have ye any foreceps o’er yon jungle gym ho?  Running lucid toothpaste for charity makes for gooey conversation in Hawaii.  Unless there were a bonanza in a nutshell I might alleviate righteous doodads on your mama’s bed.  Have a heart, shortypants.  No one likes you anyway.  Thief.  Yonder non sorghum stenches will you be allowed on MY property.  Get ye 2 leagues hence ere the break of my foot in yo arse.  That’s a ferret.  good night.