existential bullshit.

What is there to this existence? We are born, and then some indeterminably short span later we die. Every moment we live we fight to stay that way, until our transitory moment when life is replaced with death. Maybe this is all a transitory moment, but the perceptive nature of my cynicism serves to shield me from any sense of loss in death. I’ve already lost all I have to lose in living and my consciousness only serves as a timer ticking away the moments until I simply stop perceiving. What I have in death is equal to what I hold in life in that I’ll never know why I have it or where it came from. I am resigned to indifference because I see no purpose in caring. If I care about my life so much, will I miss it when it’s gone? Still, I am in no hurry to rush into death. Now may be all there is of anything, but I can still experience it while I am here. I am more curious than fearful. I am more content than self-depreciating. Why do we live? Why do we die? No, no, no… the question is this: Why should I care? I’d much rather watch these things unfold as they may and once I find an answer to this question, I’ll be ready to accept life or death as it comes.

Whispering still

March 27, 2006

Repeat after me: “I will not smoke weed after midnight on a work night… I will not smoke weed after midnight on a work night…”

Rachaelmarie

There was a time in my life when I felt similar (though, being athiest, I believe that death is the total end to whatever it is I have now). Now, being older, the clock ticks so much faster. I see the minutes of my life slip away like sands in an hourglass. Forreal. It’s scary. I was immobilized for like 3 years after I had that epiphany.

ryn: you…….are……so……right. Totally. I was talking to my son whilst he helped me garden this evening, and he was trying to explain to me that it *was* emo. I’m like, whaaaaaaaaaat? {there’s a club in town called Emo’s, but, it’s..so..old, ya know?} he was telling me about bands, singers, songs that were emo…It was great. Communication with a 15 year old..what’s not to love?

I listen mostly to KGSR. KUT is for the news. I can toggle between Mix, Bob, KLBJ and 101X with the best of them-I searched for a bunch of artists in interests to add, but a lot of the ones I was looking for weren’t there… I have very broad taste though. 🙂

I feel like I’m drowning you in notes here but, I just added you to my faves, if that’s OK, and yes, Roller Derby- my nieces are cheerleaders for the hellcats, and yes, I’m a lifelong austinite (or austin area, I’m ‘out in the county’ now)… It’s a great place to live.

March 28, 2006

ryn: I have already signed Kinky’s petition. 🙂 Thank you for your kind offer of bridgeness..er that’s not right but you know what I mean. I am sure I will take you up on that sooner or later..probably sooner. *running off to Myspace to check your music* Have a nice (rainy!) day!

policecops

March 29, 2006

lol @ the first note.