Deal or no deal

I got this idea from some random thing I read on the web.  There’s a lot of that around.  this is the intro paragraph:

Surely we’ve all seen the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie and her lady friends sit around discussing “deal breakers”–the kinds of behaviour that get men banned from their “to do” lists–right? Well, as a public service, I’ve whittled my 200+ item list down to the top five. Allow me to share them with you, for your own benefit, of course.

I don’t watch Sex and the City.  But I decided I might make a list of things that would get women banned from my "to do" list.  I didn’t have 200 things.  I really had to think to come up with 5, but these all are pretty bad if they mean you’re blacklisted from ever having a meaningful relationship with me.

5)gossipers/TMI givers:  Basicly girls who never shut up.  Ever.  They talk about people behind their backs, or keep on going when you really wish they’d stop, or divulge the last thing you ever wanted to hear because of the horrendous mental image you get, but girls like that really turn me off.  Even talking too fast makes my brain hurt.

4)control freaks: Look if I want to give you a backrub out of the blue and you’re micromanaging me instead of enjoying it, you can forget me ever trying it again.  I’m my own person too and I just so happen to be lazy.  Taking advantage of a nice guy makes me not a nice guy.  And, don’t dare tell me more than twice to do something unless you’re sure I genuinely didn’t hear you.  A girl who thinks she’s the boss of me so obviously isn’t.  It’s the girl who is my equal who gets my attention.

3)too normal: If a girl is afraid to try new things or different things because they aren’t popular, or if she doesn’t have anything interesting to say to me really bugs me.  If you can’t keep up with my pace in a conversation, or have the problem of me having nothing to say to you, you’re obviously not my type.  If you’re average in EVERY CONCIEVABLE WAY there’s no way I’d ever want to be around you for more than like an hour at a time.  Above average?  Below average?  Who cares.  Just be abnormal.  Mediocrity sucks.

2)druggies: I will never ever ever ever ever date a druggie again.  If I find out you do drugs your ass is gone.  No mulligans no coming back to me.  Your judgment has already been permanently altered and so has my perception of you.  If you were in the past, it’s good to let the cat out of the bag off the bat so I know what to look for, because if you go back on them you’re still gone.  I might be able to deal with cigarettes if you smoke socially, but I’ll not date a full time smoker.  Unless she’s awesometastic x 3981 in every other way.  I have a sensitive nose and I’ll be able to smell it.  Trust me.

1)oblivious to manners: If you can’t chew with your mouth closed, I’m sorry but your parents didn’t raise you right.  If you make all manner of disgusting noises and have no clue what-so-ever that you’re driving me insane already, you will not LIVE long.  And if you think I’ll take disrespect, you’re going to find out the dead way that I don’t take shit.  I’m not above homicide.  In fact I’m probably devious enough to know how to get away with it.  Rude, loud, obnoxious people will not contaminate my gene pool.  This is natural selection.  I’ll naturally choose someone else.  Someone better.