CD reviews for music lovers!

Ok, I’ve been buying quite a few new CDs lately and I’ve decided that I’m going to write some reviews about them and tell you what I think!  That way maybe people will be inclined to buy or not buy them depending on whether they care about what I say.  So here shall be my rating system for songs:

* * * * * – This song is one of my favorite all time songs ever in the existance of sound.  It has achieved near musical perfection.  They lyrics are engaging.  The tune grooves like nobody’s business.  This song alone would be worth buying the album for.

* * * * – This is a cool fuckin’ song.  I turn up the stereo on this one, and I frequently enjoy having it stuck in my head for hours upon end.

* * * – This song is pretty good.  It really doesn’t grab my attention and it’s not too memorable but it makes for nice filler on the album.  It’s not a bad song, but it’s nothing special.

* *- Ok this song is genuinely annoying or stupid, and there are almost no redeeming qualities about it, and I’m rather surprised anyone actually put this on a record.  Or recorded it at all for that matter.  They should take this one back to the drawing board.

*-…… what… the…. fuck…. did I just listen to?  WHY did I sit through that?  I’m all at once confused, frightened, and a bit nauseated.  PLEASE shoot me if I ever sound like this song.

NO STARS: GAHHH This flaming aural shitcake is the bane of my existance!!!!!  MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE IF I EVER HEAR THIS AGAIN TURNITOFFTURNITOFFTURNITOFF!

That having been said, beside each rating, I’ll type a short blurb about why I gave it that rating.  I will also average the scores for you so that you may get a sense of how good the album is as a whole, and say what I think of the album.

Fisrt album:
Metric – Live It Out
1- Empty What an opener!  Starts off low and then explodes about 2 minutes into the track.  I have secretly made up my own specific dance to do to this song.  This is so indie it makes my face hurt.  Great transitions and use of ambient sound.  Also Emily Haines panting makes me horny.
2- Glass Ceiling I love the groove on this and the dissonance makes me smile.  The drum beat makes me smile.  The whole damn thing makes me headbang.  Still this one seems a little….  I dunno it just doesn’t pack as much punch as Empty does to me.  I still love this song.  LOVE IT.
3- Handshakes Heehehehehe I really like the chord structure.  This song reminds me of the girl who suggested Metric to me and that makes me love it.  And then at the end I can’t help but to be reminded of Admiral Akbar because I’m a nerd and she says "It’s a trap"
4- Too Little Too Late Ooooh fuckin A on the lyrics!  And the guitar riff is jammin.  The mental pictures that this song gives me would give a hibernating bear dreams of beeless honey.  I also love the passive-aggresive kind of sarcastic wording because that’s so my personality.  Such a pretty song deserves as much.
5- Poster of a Girl This one totally caught me off-guard the first time I heard the into because it’s really different.  I love songs that don’t sound the damn same.  Then it continued to amaze me with the funkingroovin beat and the tasty lyrics.  The mental images this song produces would give Aquaman wet dreams.  What the fuck is she saying in French?  Why does it lure me like cat hair to black pants?  Did she just say "feed the fish?"  Frankly… I love it.
6- Monster Hospital Cute intro.  I was just bobbing my head until the chorus hit.  And hit me it did like a tree to George of the Jungle.  This is probably the best chorus on the album and the just cool verse seems to lag behind because of it.  But it’s actually an aural illusion because it’s the chorus that is rockin so much harder that it makes it look like something less.  But then you realize that it isn’t.  Emily has been bad and I want to spank her.
7- Patriarch on a Vespa XD I really like this song.  It’s excellent but some of the other songs make it seem like filler because they kick its butt.  Which on a song this fun it’s HARD to do.  Very nice 80s synth.
8- The Police and The Private As strange as it seems this is one of the weakest songs on the album.  It’s got a great melody and it’s got some of the strongest lyrics on the album as well which keeps it well above 3 stars.  I still love the synth and ambient guitars, but it’s a bit less glorious than a few others it has to compete with.
9- Ending Start <img border="0" alt="Photobucket – Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v475/potshot/9tzxub.gif” /> This is a beautiful song.  Yay for 3/4 time!  This is a brilliant slow song but there are bands that do this better than Metric, and I don’t think this song will be making me full out cry any time soon… but my biggest complaint is that I wish it were LONGER than the 3:20 it sits at.  I love it for the background it provides.
10- Live It Out Hah!  They fooled me again!  I thought it was gonna be another slow song but then they bust out with the 16ths on the high-hat and I get happy and dancey again.  I want Emily Haines to be my nurse…. hawwwwt.  The indieness makes me smile.  Granted The Arcade Fire is probably a better group over all, but I still like Metric for their sheer force of personality.
overall – 4.5 stars  bunnies make babies to this album.  It’s not perfect, but it’s way way up there.  I’ll never tire of it.  By the way, THANKS SARA.  Now everyone else go buy this.

Second Album:
Oasis – (What’s The Story) Morning Glory
1- Hello What the hell?  With the expectations I had for the "best" band in the UK I wasn’t expecting this.  It’s a good song sure and it’s pretty catchy, but it almost feels stereotypical… Odd choice for a first track but not bad.
2- Roll With It Heyyyy there’s the Oasis I know and love.  Much better.  I can totally roll with this.
3- Wonderwall This song is a total bitchslap to my favorite brit band Blur.  This is so well done it’s not funny.  I LOVE this song.  I even inadvertantly channeled this rhythm when I wrote one of my better songs Aether.  This song is fucking inspiring.  Wonderful use of strings.  This song is the difinitive song of the entire brit pop genre.
4- Don’t Look Back In Anger Gallagher you tug at my heartstrings.  This song is masterful.  Like, the whole thing.  John Lennon even wishes he wrote this song.  Now all I need is a girlfriend to slowdance to this with.
5- Hey Now! Chuggin’ along like one of those classic cabs on the streets of London.  This is a badass song, but there are split seconds of awkwardness.  Still I’m amazed they managed to make a POP song sound so unique.  That’s a testament to the power of Noel Gallagher’s songwriting talent.
6- (untitled) a groovin’ blues rock interlude.  I don’t know where it came from or where it was going but I wish it luck on its merry way.
7- Some Might Say Weeeeee!  Brit pop roxorz my boxorz.  This is a great song.  Some might say that Oasis is better than Blur… but I still know otherwise.  Solid try though.  The chorus, as in most pop songs, makes the song what it is.  Also unlike some of the other songs on the album, this one has a totally overused chord progression.  That’s the danger of pop.  it can sound the same if you’re not careful.  As down as this sounds I still give this 4 stars because they really are this good.
8- Cast No Shadow And they did it again.  Just when you think they’ll be stuck in the same-sounding-ness of the trap that is pop they blow you away with thier versatility.  This song is beautiful and I think these lyrics might actually challenge Don’t Look Back In Anger.  So, so beautiful.
9- She’s Electric XD I love to dance around to this song.  The lyrics are a little hokey and that’s the only thing barring the 5th star from this song.  I love the bun in the oven reference.  Anything that has to do with food makes me happy.  Especially if it subtlely implies eating babies is fun.  XD  Plus electricity is awesome.
10- Morning Glory Dammit I can’t help but hear "The One I Love" by REM in this.  I’m telling you that’s a TRAP in pop music.  There’s a set amount of chord changes.  Still this is worthy of being the title track.  Against Wonderwall that’s a feat deserving of  ALL 5 stars.  Also I love REM so it’s ok.
11- (untiled) Ok, now this transition actually made sense.  There’s that old familiar blues rock riff again and… water that makes me have to pee….
12- Champagne Supernova FUCK YOU DUMBASS KIDS ON THE BUS!  I like this song!  It’s a good song!  And yeah, I almost typed "Champagne Supernover" when I was typing the title.  I LIKE his cheeky brittish accent.  He’s seriously saying that, though.  Damn you for toppling Blur from their throne!  However, it’s songs like this that made this band successful.  Also Blur’s only album that was *really* brit pop was their first one Leisure.  Sure they kept plugging out brit pop singles, but they officially shifted to indie and lost thier audience because indie rock is by its very definition notbillboard chart material.  I raise my champagne glass to you Oasis.
overall – 4.25 stars I know this is an album from the 90s.  I just bought it.  All ye musicians out there!  Pay close attention to the structure of this album.  Oasis is probably one of THE best bands at laying out an album to sell.  They WERE the #1 band in the world for a while, so learn from them.  This album, though it has 2 tracks I think bog it down was laid out so perfectly that it still landed over 4 stars.  Their weakest song was over quickly (first) and the album built to their best song at track 3, and kept your attention with track 4.  After that they could have blown the rest of the album, but they landed several more gems on it to cement themselves as more than a one hit wonder and they went out with another amazing song in Champaign Supernova.  That’s killer instinct, and it works.

Third Album:
The Flaming Lips – At War With the Mystics
1- The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song (With All Your Power) You know… I don’t really like the gimmick of the song (the yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah in the background) but that aside this is a really good song.  The Flaming Lips excell at this brand of wierd as hell indie rock. 
2- Free Radicals (A Hallucination Of The Christmas Skeleton Pleading With A Suicide Bomber) Wow… I don’t know what the hell this song is but somehow it’s like Prince had a lovechild with The Talking Heads and Dangermouse remixed it at a dentist office.  It’s so cool!  How’d they come up with this?  Maybe they cranked the laughing gas.
3- The Sound Of Failure / It’s Dark … Is It Always This Dark?? I’m blown away.  I seriously don’t know how they come up with this.  I want whatever they’re on.  I love this music because it has this certain… 80s feel to it that reminds me of my childhood while it remains like nothing I’ve ever heard before.  This is a combo track that has a lovely taste of what’s to come on the album.
4- My Cosmic Autumn Rebellion (The Inner Life As Blazing Shield Of Defiance And Optimism As Celestial Spear Of Action) There’s that flavor again.  That is a signature of this band.  And good lord that song title is a mouthfull… I thought Thom Yorke was a long title!  It’s like it’s own story.  That’s what long titles are good for.  Telling a story.  This whole song tells a story.
5- Vein Of Stars Well this song, while solid and having Flaming Lips written all over it, isn’t as good as the last 3.  This is a bubble of tasty cream filling.  It’s not the twinkie dough that makes the snack portable, but it provides the sweet filling that it needs to be called a twinkie.
6- The Wizard Turns On … The Giant Silver Flashlight And Puts On His Werewolf Moccasins Huh?  I don’t think my brain is large enough to comprehend this, but they nailed the story in the title.  And they didn’t even need any words.  Pootie done did it again!  Pootie don’t need no words, he don’t need no drums, Pootie don’t even need no MUSIC!  But this is on par with that.
7- It Overtakes Me / The Stars Are So Big … I Am So Small … Do I Stand A Chance? Not every song can be one of my favorite all time songs ever in the existance of sound.  And though I doubt anyone less than Led Zeppelin could make an album composed of all 5 star songs, This album is nearly there.  This combo track is rockin, but it’s not as jaw-dropping as it could be.  4 stars to this one but it’s REAL close to 5.  You do stand a chance.
8- Mr. Ambulance Driver Hey!  Miami Vi… oh wait… it’s still the Flaming Lips.  This sounds so 80s.  How do they do that?  God dammit, I keep asking that!  Me likey.  Radical dude.  This is delightfully heartfelt.  No cookie cutter songs for these guys.  They have the opposite problem of pop music though if they go too far out there and can’t find a way back.  This doesn’t stray too far though.  This porridge is just right.
9- Haven’t Got A Clue This song has much the same appeal as Metric.  Odd though it doesn’t seem to have an ending.  It doesn’t fade away like a normal song, it gets sucked into a black hole and that works for these guys.
10- The W.A.N.D. (The Will Always Negates Defeat) This is so a protest song- just like the first one- even though it’s stuck in the 80s.  They’re not afraid to say "motherfuckers" on the radio either.  Yeah I hear this on the radio all the time.  These are guys with balls.  You do indeed have the power now you crazy motherfuckers.  I love this band.
11- Pompeii Am Götterdämmerung We’re so not worthy.  This is my favourite song on the album.  With a U.  This is the theme song to a mystical 80’s fantasy adventure movie circa Dark Crystal or Labyrinth.  You know, Dark Crystal came out in 1982, which is the year I was born.  This song totally brings back my ENTIRE childhood, and I loved my childhood.  I was the weirdest kid ever.  And this song is like… my theme song.
12- Goin’ On <a target=”_blank” href=”http://photobucket.com”&gt; Like I said.  It’s fucking HARD to make a true 5 star album, but this one is just so damn close.  Unfortunately after the last track there’s simply no way I can give this (wonderful) song 5 stars.  That makes me sad because it almost deserves it.
overall – 4.66 stars Teehee!  I feel like a kid again!  Yaaaaay!  Let’s mix He-Man toys and G.I. Joes for an all out assult on the Transformers!  Wow… they RARELY come closer to perfection than this.  I will smack you with a baseball bat and throw Lego caltrops at your feet so you hobble yourself when you fall back from the blow if you don’t buy this album like immediately.

Final Album:
At The Drive-In – Relationship of Command
1- Arcarsenal Holy fuck.  I think I have blisters on my eardrums.  And still I must crank the volume up on this one.  Energy doesn’t even begin to describe it.  Sickened thirst, sickened thirst keeps it together.
2- Pattern Against User –
I love how much is going on this song.  Actually I love how much goes on in all their songs.  There’s always something else to listen for.  Still, they’ve done better.  They who would become The Mars Volta.
3- One Armed Scissor My gateway drug to this band.  This is the first song I ever heard by them and I rock this song out in my Madcat when I play Mechwarrior 3.  This song rocks like you wouldn’t believe.  I was inspired by this style when writing Thom Yorke.  More screamo than emo, but it hammers the point home.  This band has mastered the art of combining throat grinding screams with actual singing.
4- Sleepwalk Capsules There are so many screamo bands that sound like retarded bears awakening in drunken rages from hibernation.  They really need to cut it out and listen to more ATDI.  You don’t have to sing in tune when the music is so loud.  You have to belt it out with emotion.  That’s what the emo part stands for.  Sing so we can understand the words and THEN scream about it.  That’s what ATDI does.
5- Invalid Litter Dept. Experimental rock at its finest.  It’s weird to hear something so fresh when rock is so overdone and old hat.  We all need to toss something into the wishing well and wish really hard to always be as creative as these chaps.
6- Mennequin Republic This reminds me of Nirvana’s hardest grunge.  And maybe it is in fact.  They have a fatter sound than Nirvana ever did.  Then again they have almost twice as many members.  Too bad grunge died with the breakup of Soundgarden.
7- Enfilade Hehehehe a song about holding someone for ransom and tying them up on the railroad tracks.  You’d think this would be some western showtune played on an organ for a silent film just reading the lyrics.  Or maybe you wouldn’t.  These guys are weird like that.  Unpredictable they say.  I say BOOYAH.  It kinda takes a few tracks for this style of song to really click back into total badassness.  See Cosmonaut.
8- Rolodex Propoganda This is a really cool song.  I’m running out of vocabulary to use on these guys.  This doesn’t have as awesome of a verse as some of the other songs on the album and it’s got a few rather annoying vocal things, but at least it’s not cookie cutter.  It’s also at this point that this album starts to sound kind of the same but that’s because you’re going deaf.  I think they realized this and stuck in the next track to give your ears a break.
9- Quarantined :O That’s it.  I quit.  I’ve been blown away so many times that I just can’t take this anymore.
10- Cosmonaut Ok, I lied.  I’m finishing the album.  This is probably the coolest beat on the album.  I still have no idea what this guy is on about but it sounds cool.  I think my ears are bleeding.
11- Non-Zero Possibility The album takes a sudden nap.  They’re fighting on this one.  They don’t perfect this style until The Mars Volta.  Insert back into the oven for a few more years if you like your songs well-done.
12- Extracurricular And its back to the sound-splosions.  They have better songs all over the album.  This is apparently one of their fillers.  Why they put it here I’m not sure.  Maybe because if it was before the nap we’d die from overexposure.  My voice would so hurt after all of this.   Then double-checking the album cover I discovered the last 2 tracks are actually bonus tracks.  That makes more sense.  The album actually fell asleep and this is the dream afterwards.
13- Catacombs The kickdrum alone pummeled