bears buttfucking bunnies

(this is a continuation of the story of Phoenix Saga’s summer tour. go back and read the last 2 entries or you’re starting in the wrong place.)

I was just grinning at him. But then he started telling us about the place and how he’d been retired from the military for 25 years and he built the bar with his bare hands and he’s been around here ever since running things. He was telling us you can go out 5 minutes into the woods and there’s nothign but bears buttfucking bunnies and beavers fuckin deer and shit and every year at the close of the ski season there at the School House they have mud wrestling. Well, more like pudding wrestling. And we looked at Larry and we said "Dude we’re leaving you 2 copies of the CD. one is for you, the other is for the Mayor to play at the School House. We want to come back here and play for the pudding wrestling." and around that time we got our pizzas and we headed back to the cabin where Joe had been taking a shower. because he’d already seen the movie.

It was good pizza if a little greasy. Great flavor though. Also had some baked chicken wings with bleu cheese dressing. Great stuff. We finished out the movie, talked a while, and then pretty much went to bed. Little did I know what Joey was talking about with Joe in there. I was sleeping on the extra sofa in the Ganja room with the beautiful view of the mountains and the flourescent blacklights so I couldn’t quite hear what he was saying.

See, Joey had gone up to take his shower after the movie was done and he locks the door, gets in, has a nice hot shower, and he gets out and starts to dry off, but as he looks at the mirror, he sees something written in the steam. Now all it says is "YES IT IS" which is cryptic at best, but all Joey can think of is the movie Fallen with Denzel Washington where the serial killer keeps singing "Time is on my side, Yes it is" by the Rolling Stones. So Joey was kinda freaked out.

He went downstairs and asks Joe "You didn’t write anything on the mirror upstairs did you?" And Joe says "No…" and Joey explains the situation to him, and Joe says "Yeah I can totally see a serial killer hanging out in a place like this… You go out into the woods and there’s nothing there. No one would find you." And Joey’s like "You’re not helping dude! Look. There’s a machete by the fireplace, there’s glasses and cups you can use as projectiles, maybe you can use the furtniture too, just keep an eye out."

He got like 3 hours of sleep that night. In the morning he tells me what went down and I’d seen the movie too and I said "Dude, you know that was a demon posessing people right?" and Joey’s like "Thanks that makes me feel a LOT better." And we have a laugh and I go up and take a shower myself and sure enough when I get out, written on the mirror there is "YES IT IS" and so when I go downstairs I eye Joey with my creepiest grin and start singing "time is on my side, yes it is!"

And so that’s how that went down. Larry had to go work at the golf course that morning so we left him with 2 copies of the CD and booked it out of Draino. We actually had to find some Wifi to confirm the gig in Albuquerque. Sho nuff we were booked there at Atomic Cantina. I kinda wanted to go to Four Corners but we didn’t have the twister game mat or the video camera so it kinda lost out with the other guys. Next time we’re going and playing Twister on four corners. Right hand Colorado!

We Finally got to Albuquerque and I had to peeeeeee and we decided to stop at the local Clear Channel building because we found free wifi there in Denver so we figured it would work there too. I tried to go to the bank to take a leak, but they "didn’t have public restrooms" and I tried the Clear Channel building and it was the same friggin deal.

I should have said "Let me rephrase that: I need to pee now. Do you like golden showers or shall I use your restroom?" but I just held it in until we got to the PF Chang’s. That’s a fancy chinese food chain. swanky place really. Expensive food. Free bathrooms though. We had been craving Chinese food the whole trip and we kept missing all the chinese food places. so that was our treat to ourselves since Joey got his direct deposit paycheck that morning.

The food was great and we got this huge bowl of wonton soup for all of us for like $6, and it turns out our waiter was also in a band and they were just pulling themselves back together after their drummer was in a wreck 3 years ago and was almost killed. He got a really good tip and one of our CDs. He was a nice guy.

So after that lunch we found some Wifi at the Albuquerque Holliday Inn: where the towels are oh so fluffy! We actually didn’t have that Weird Al CD with us but we intended to but a copy there. We never got around to it. We got in contact with our couchsurfing host in the big A and we met up with him at his house. His name is Rich. He was yet another really cool guy that offered us beer and weed. He had a beach in his house! It was all sandy and neat with a chair on it. I guess it was more like an indoor sandbox… and he has the coolest dog called Cooper. he’s a 9 month old weenie! he’s tiny and cute. I got lots of blurry pictures of him because he’s always in motion.

We talked and hung out for a while and then he had to go to work at the tattoo parlor. Then his roommate got up from her late night of partying. She’d probably gotten home at around 8 and she’d been asleep until then. oh! We started watching Cake Town. Which is what Joey calls 300 now. Because of that Youtube video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNqiSkd1M6k

And we say Cake Town instead of the number 300 too. We rock. So then his roommate Carly wakes up and she’s like "ohh you’re those couch surfers Rich was talking about! If you wanna come party, here’s my number." and she walks out to go to see an Isotopes baseball game. Then we headed out and found the venue, but it turns out we got there really early because we didn’t go on until 11. We got there at 7:30 and talked to the guys there, unloaded our stuff, and headed off to the cheapest liquor store in existance called Quarters. I still have the little map on how to get there. We bought Rich a 12 pack of Shiner Bock for $10.99 because he only had one lonely beer in his fridge.

Also I tried to call Selket Suicide because she’s friends with Vanessa who lives in Albuquerque. Selket said I should send her an e-mail and invite her to the show because Vanessa is friends with her and she’d totally come to the show, but she never responded to the mail I sent. 🙁 I wanted to see if Selket could call her but I changed my phone number and I don’t think she knew it was me. 😛 oh well. no SGs at the show.

We get to the Cantina and it’s 21 & up, no cover charge so the place is finally packed with people our ages, but it turns out that of the other bands the first band going on is called 3 Hole Punch and they’re totally metal. Then after the metal band it’s us, who do a million kinds of rock, and the next band Unusial Content is rap-rock like Hed PE and the last band, Agency E, tried to do a RATM thing but only so so. Not to be egotistical but we were the best band there. Yet again. At least the crowd liked us and the other bands loved us!!!! and we sold 2 CDs on the power of our rock alone without having to talk up our CD!

Rich missed our show because he had to work late and then he was taking his girl to see a movie because he had promised her. We didn’t get back until like 2. All that waiting around made me tired so I bought 2 Jager bombs to keep me awake. Joe is always our DD because he doesn’t drink. I like that guy. He’s a good guy. All you ladies need to pay attention to him because he needs a good woman.

So after the show we were hoping to catch Rich again so we could barbecue and hang out but he wasn’t back yet so we just went to sleep. We wanted to get up early so Joe could drive us all the way back in time for Father’s day. Sure enough Carly comes rolling in about 8AM having partied and drunk too much all night and immediately heads out for work. She was cute too but I’m kinda scared of her.

Anyway. We got packed up and headed out early, We drove to Cuba, and also we passed through Concho county. Concho is a game that Japanese gradeschoolers play where they see how far they can ram their finger up your ass when you’re not looking. We stopped in Lubbock to have lunch with Joe’s cousin Andrew and we had Subway and realized we should probably play a show in Lubbock because it’s a college town. Texas Tech is there. So we left around 9:00 Mountain time and got home at 10:30 Central…. and that’s the end of the story. If you want a playlist of all the music we listened to then you’ll just have to wait.