just want a call

I watch the phone. Not in expectancy of it getting up and dancing; though, that would be really interesting. I watch it in hopes that it will ring and you’ll be the one on the other end of the line. Oh please ring! Such a beautiful sound and only a prelude to the classical masterpiece that is your voice. But at the moment, there is a silence heavier than the people in line for Jenny Craig. I think it’s crushing me. If only we shared some sort of psychic bond; but then I wouldn’t even want you to call in the first place.

I believe I have the only perfectly logic explanation as to why I’m being crushed by silence. While at school, your bladder decided you had too much to drink. So, you made a trip to the restroom. Then, during the climatic event of your bodily waste release, that quiet student that always wears black and sits by himself finally decided that he is as crazy as everyone says. To fulfill the part, he took out a gun and unjustly killed everyone, except you, of course. After all, what kind of monster would kill someone on the toilet? Then, realizing how unjust his acts were and not wanting to go to jail and possibly get raped by a large man named “Tiny”, he killed himself. Bizarrely, in a gust of wind, the bathroom door shut and locked, trapping you inside. Ironically, at the same exact time, a meteor shower destroyed every cell phone satellite orbiting the Earth; therefore, when you took out your very own cell phone, it didn’t work and you couldn’t call for help. Thus, you were stuck in the bathroom for days because none of the homicide investigators ever had to use it. Finally, you were discovered by a sign-language speaking orangutan hired by the state to clean up the bloody mess at the school. From there, you were taken to a hospital where you are now recovering from malnutrition. And that is the reason my phone does not ring.

But, even hospitals have phones (I should know, I called every one looking for you), so that’s really no excuse either. Being that you aren’t in a hospital, my theory proves incorrect.

Yet, I still really miss you. I guess what this means is that the feelings aren’t mutual, that no emotion is evoked by that comment; except maybe guilt for not feeling anything other than guilt. So you know what? Forget it. I didn’t want to talk to you anyway… maybe you sent me an e-mail.