Returning to the Outside World

One of the worst things about my anxiety and finding out devestating news is that I tend to shut down and go inside myself, and avoid others.  That’s been my life for the last two days. I’ve been online, and talked to people there, but the very idea of dealing with other people while I was trying to process things? That was too much for me.

Today though, I made myself go to the library again for the first time in a while.  I decided to start out slow. I went in for my adult coloring club. I mainly went because I knew my friend Linda had been worried about me. It’s nice to be worried about,  you know?  She wanted me to stay for Maker Space, but I really wasn’t up for that or dealing with Chuck (her very negative husband and employee of the library).  Though I have to admit Chuck did seem a bit more chipper than usual today.  So who knows. Maybe it would’ve been okay.

But let me get back to Adult Coloring Club. It went okay,  despite some noisy spots, and this new annoyance named William. Now, I’m all for getting to know other people,  and believe me, William and I really could’ve talked forever and a day because we have a lot of stuff in common. But today, I really *only* wanted to talk to Linda, and just spend time with her. He sat down in at our table, and the socially acceptable thing to do is to talk to someone when they’re right in front of you, especially if you know them. So we couldn’t just ignore him. But he couldn’t help but butt into every little conversation I was trying to have with Linda. Correcting us, and trying ot act as if he knew more about a subject than I did.

This got more annoying when it came to talking about Regency Park’s Young Adult section. I had told Linda that I was gonna talk to someone about how they choose their books because 3 times now, the books I wanted (which are popular as all get out, so I expected a waiting list) are not even available to put on hold. This  usually results in me buying it on the Nook or a physical copy.  I have tried hard to read books from the library, but if they’re not gonna have the ones I want…what’s the point?  Anyway, I digress. He kept saying, “You can have them order it outside the library system….” And I *have* done that before. It’s a pain in the ass for both ME and the librarians because there are extra steps involved. It’s just not worth it.  It’d be much easier if they’d take a poll or something? I don’t know. And today  I heard they were downsizing our Young Adult section. The hell? It’s not that big to begin with!

But yeah, he talked as if he knew things better than I did, and after a while, I started talking back because it was annoying me. I should also mention here that I am not only a 2 year library patron, but also a volunteer so I get a lot of the inside library stuff second hand from my friends.

I do have to admit that I am glad that I went. It was like I was starting ot put my life back together after the devastating news.  Tomorrow I am going to a dance with a neighbor. No, nothing romantic. It’s disabled adults outreach through her church. And while I’m not overly religious, I didn’t see any harm in going just for the social aspect. Hopefully there won’t be any “come to Jesus” talks or anything of that kind. I mean,  I have no problem with people believing as they do, but I do have a problem with being made to feel pressured. And honestly, the last time I went to a church sponsored event, that’s kinda how it felt.

But I wanted to try, anyway.  I will let you guys know how this goes. I’m not holding any hope that it will be a regular thing.