Honesty

“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.”

Spencer Johnson

I am trying to live my life with integrity and honesty. I haven’t always felt that way, or always had that as my goals. And I certainly have not always lived that way. I have spent years compromising my principles or failing to even have principles in the first place. And that is something that needs to change, as I get older and wiser and try to raise my children right.

Lately I have turned honesty into a bit of a fetish. I demand it from myself and I demand from those around me. Life is far too short to deal with dishonesty or spend time dealing with things that don’t address reality. I would much rather deal with hard truths than easy lies.

“Every act of dishonesty has at least two victims: the one we think of as the victim, and the perpetrator as well. Each little dishonesty makes another little rotten spot somewhere in the perpetrator’s psyche.”

Lesley Conger

I’ve done things I am not proud of. We have all done things we are not proud of and if you think you haven’t you are lying to yourself. I have done things that have hurt the people around me, not physically but emotionally. I have done things that have hurt myself. I have done thoughtless things and thoughtful things that have hurt my spouse. For some of those things I feel like I had reasons for them, and they have perhaps brought to light things that needed to be addressed, but I still should not have done them. (again with the vagueness…but these are things I can’t talk about publicly because I don’t want to hurt the people I love any more than I have).

The thing is this: I know that what I have done is wrong, I am aware of the mistakes I have made. And I know what steps I need to take to not do them again. Because I don’t want to live that life, I don’t want to be "that guy". I need to live my life from a position of integrity, to know that no matter what else happens I did all I could, that I acted with integrity, that I am a man of character.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you”

Friedrich Nietzsche

And this goes to trust as well. If I lie, if I am not honest with myself and others, how can I expect people to trust me? And how can I trust others if I don’t give them reason to trust me as well? So in order for people to trust you there needs to be trust back. If trust has been breached, then trust needs to be earned back. I have spent many years trying and failing to earn back trust and if the shoe is on the other foot, if I need to learn to trust someone else again, I can’t do that unless and until I give them that opportunity, to earn that trust back. And that is an impossible task if I cant operate from a position of integrity, honesty and character.

This is all part of the Hero’s path. Self-improvement in body, mind and spirit. It is showing the world that you are a man to be respected and honored, that you deserve the great things life has brought your way, your work, your children, your wife. It is showing your children everything a man can be, give them something to look for in their adult relationships. To be the kind of man a wife is proud to say, "Him, that is my husband!"

But it is mostly for ones self. To BE the man that you want to be. To know that you are a person you would be proud to know. To know once and for all that you are not lying to yourself, that you are who are, that you know who you are and can be proud of that.

You only get one life, and I want to live it.

Zaphod

My next entry is going to be funny and contain blowjobs or something, I swear!