What is going on?

why am I so despondent?
consistent negative correspondence.
events beget the advent
of a fundamental sentiment.
It seems perceptual defeat
maintains its dominance in me;
a ghastly, overwhelming freak
trampling on the meek.
is it true? a guilty joy –
in knowing all means within my employ
serve only to foster a sense of self
bereft of ability to change the sky.
a capability so innate;
obstacles so great.

no way. no fucking WAY!