tardiness.

well, he’s already 15 minutes late, and I haven’t heard from him.  Unsurprising, to be honest.

But I’m actively looking outward for people and things to attach to in order to mitigate overattaching to boy.  I was incredibly flirtatious yesterday when I was hanging out with program people, and, after I took a levitra, I posted an ad on craigslist.  I got 47 replies so far, all from different older guys who wanna fool around with a guy like me, so that’s a big self esteem boost.

I actually went to meet up with a guy, but got weirded out because he had been drinking, and I felt too much like I did when I was strung out after snorting 100mg of amphetamines and hooking up with anything with a pulse.  And also because i wanted to not sexually act out in fear of rejection from boy.  So I asked him to take me home, and ended up going to bed around 6am.

Today was fun.  I like interacting with people without my ‘don’t fucking say THAT’ filters in place.  I’m a lot more fun to be around, witty, and impulsive (when it comes to conversation)

and I’m going to hang out with lawyer daddy, who(m?) I will call LD, for ease of typing and also in maintaining the anonymity that seems to have developed as a part of the culture of this diary.  We are going to go to a spa, and I’m going to get a massage.  and it’s going to be fucking awesome.

So, boy is on his way.  and to be honest, what all with the quantifiable evidence I have that I *am* desirable and attractive I’m not as anxious about it as I might otherwise be.

Hooray for craigslist, y’all.