Ken Doll

So it would seem that I clean up well.

Anyway, I went to a dinner party with boy yesterday, and due to the sociocultural differences, he had decided that we weren’t going to be able to go meet his friends with me looking like ‘this’ so we went to nordstrom/banana republic and he picked out some things that were more suitable for me to present in.  Anyway, it was kinda fun, a la pretty woman, but I still kinda felt like a prostitute.  Anyway, aside from all the conflicting emotions and thoughts i was having during the entire experience, the dinner was rather enjoyable – it’s always fun to interact with drunk old queens.  I mean, as fun as interacting with old queens can be.

But aside from the dinner party, I also found out something fucking intense that boy decided to drop on me right before we went to the party.  Apparently he has a daughter who is five years older than me.  A fucking DAUGHTER.  I responded in classic ‘me’ form, silent and speculative.  I have a tendency to forgive wayy too easily, and so the whole incident passed rather uneventfully, but I feel like I should have made him a bit more uncomfortable about the whole revelation.  What ended up happening was that I ‘forgave’ him, called him out on being a pr ‘weasel’ and then we proceeded on our merry way.  I can understand having a ‘mistake’ when you’re a questioning teen, especially during the time period that he was raised in, but I kinda think that that information is something that should have been brought to my attention a bit earlier in our interaction.

Meh.

So I still don’t have a job, and my phone is about to be cancelled.  I would have enough money to pay for it if my dad trusted me, but since he doesn’t, I have to send him the torn up pieces of the first check that he sent (I thought he was going to send a big big check instead of two smaller checks, but our communication got muddled somehow)  So now I’m stressing out about that.

The phone is a big deal, but more of a big deal is food.  I don’t know how I’m going to eat for the next week – and that’s assuming that my check will be sent to my dad in time, and his check will be sent to my brother in time, and despite all these contingencies, there’s still the fact that I need to have rent in two weeks.  So, I’m kind of freaking out. (edit – TOTALLY FUCKING HARDCORE SCREAMING INSIDE freaking out)

But I’ve somehow turned into a hardcore insatiable bottom, which is amazing.  I was always kind of uncomfortable ‘bottoming’, since it hurt so much and I didn’t trust the person I was with usually – but in ‘this’ particular interaction, I seem to trust him, and I can take it like a champ.  To which I say ‘thank god’ because I was getting really pissed about my lack of voracious sex times thingies stuff.  Anyway.

I wonder how much of me being a ‘power bottom’ is due to the fact that boy is financially independent (aka doesn’t work and goes to museums and shit) and I really want money right now.

It’s most likely entirely unrelated, but I’m crazy and forming connections between unrelated things again.

Go me!