I told my mom that I wouldn’t care if she died.

The worst part, is that I meant every bit of it.
Okay, enought with the momma angst, because that shit gets old.

Let’s start the day where my day started, shall we?  We shall.  ‘Cuz it’s my fucking blog.  At this moment, it is monday, the sixth of september.  I got my prescription on the third, a friday.  What happened in between then and now – I’m going to try to put all the pieces together. 

I left boy’s house early in the morning on the third.  I remember because I got a good nights sleep that night, so waking up so "deathly" early (9a) wasn’t such a problem.  So I actually got home around ten, and got the prescription filled at around ten thirty.  By the way, the only way I could get the prescription refilled was if I borrowed the money from my roommate.  And by borrow, I mean sell a part of the prescription, because let’s fucking face it – I take speed, and speed keeps you awake, and the ability to just bitch slap sleep at any point is kinda valuable.  Anyway, so I took one capsule at 10 30 on Friday.  Then I applied at the plaid pantry down the road.  I wore nice clothes, and filled it out in really nice handwriting with a really nice navy blue ink pen.  I also didn’t put any phone numbers down on the resume  for any of my previous employers.  Like a boss.  Then I came home and played starcraft.

Jeff went out of town on friday.  Did I sleep friday night? no, I didn’t that’s right.

So, I gave some of my prescription to my roomie.  and I left playing sc2 early that’s right because I was getting pissed that he was on speed and taking up all my escapism time.  so i went into my room and started looking for hookups online.  mostly I just edged, and flaked out on people, but I did manage to meet someone early morning on saturday.  he posted an ad on craigslist to see if someone would be willing to let us ‘play’ there because I refuse to host – because my room is a mess, yes, but mainly i don’t want my roommates knowing about my fucking hookups.  anyway, so I end up giving this guy head, and I also gave head to the guy who ‘put us up’.  somehow managed to kinive (I’m fucking positive the spelling is wrong on that one lol)  kinive a pack of cigarettes out of the deal.  so yay.

anyway, I get home, I’m guessing around 10a on saturday.  and I edge and tinker around craigslist until about 3 whereupon I take public transit to another guy’s house.  this time it’s a dominant daddy, and there are a whole bunch of weird interpersonal interactions because we’re fucking doing BDSM with someone whose LAST NAME WE DON"T EVEN KNOW.  and so that’s fun.  I end up having the balls to tell him that I am *not* going to let him fuck me raw, even though it causes me to break ‘scene – lol – whatever "scene" we could have had’  so yay less exposure to hiv go me!  Oh I get 60 dollars out of that one. don’t swallow his cum.

then I get home around 7pm.  tinker around the internet, and by internet I mean xtube and craigslist.  and find another guy to fool around with.  I meet this guy around 9p and he speaks spanish.  so he drives me back to his place, and we socialize, and I give him head, and I fuck up and let him fuck me.  But it was with a condom this time!  yay hiv prevention. and he doesn’t even cum in me with the condom.  he cums on his stomach, once he realized he can’t stay hard with the condom on. so *still* no swallowing.

that makes me think of how often I swallowed before.  Apparently enough such that whenever i mention me giving head, the swallowing is implied and a lack of swallowing is noteworthy.

anyway, so I end up getting 160 out of that deal, I believe.  yeah.  so now I have 220 dollars.  I’m well on my way to making rent that was due on the third.  what day is it now?  Oh, that’s right. sunday.  sunday the 5th at like 3am.  so i edge and craigslist and xtube until like, ten am.  chat up this guy on craigslist, go to his house, get weirded out and then proceed to go to 2 adult cinemas in one day.

didn’t swallow at either of the cinemas.  didn’t suck for that matter, either. didn’t do much of anything while we’re at it.  yup.  just wasted the day.  and the money for the tickets too – can’t forget that.

got home from the second cinema, and then went out and bought a can of ethyl chloride

(it’s a dissociative – aka inhalant – and it makes you dumb, but once you breathe it in, nothing is connected to anything anymore.  lightswitches are ONLY aesthetically pleasing and serve no purpose for example.  so when you’re talking, you’re making sounds and hoping that those sounds are connected to a concept.  only you don’t have the words sound, connection, or concept)

so now i’ve got 180. i think.  and like, a lot fewer pills that what I should have had.

I think if I continue writing this month out, it’ll be super fucking interesting.