knickerboker lane.

Is dissapointment always the same shade of grey?

or does is show is another shade, anyway?

maybe a blue?

or some other hue?

I dont know..

dont know what to do.

well, this weekend I excitedly told my best friend, what my plans for my immdiate future were, and she, didnt react in any way I had hoped for her to. it was really dissapointing.

so dissapointing.

Shes so different now, from what happened and all. I dont blame myself because I dont want that kind of guilt on me, and I dont know if I even care… oh I cant say that. I do care. But I guess Im doing waht I do when something unpleasant happens. I just look once and cover it over with a blanket in my mind.

I cant even pretend that I want to say Im sorry. It really wasnt my fault..stoopid mistakes of yore.

so what else.

what can I do. I have to move forward.

For better or worse.

dam.

I hate myself for this.

I wish I could leave. But,.. the timing.. its not soo good.

not yet.

why is it im always biding for time.

always jsut having to wait a little longer.

dam you devil of fate.

for better or for worse.

I know what I want,..

so IM going for it.

***************

disclamier: not to be commented on. just a rant.