Overwhelmed

I felt like writing out all of my feelings and maybe that would help me feel better.  I’m not sure.

I had the flu two weeks ago and that turned into pneumonia.  So, last week I had pneumonia.  I felt really tired, run down, and short of breath.  I finished all of the high powered antibiotic that the doctor prescribed.  However, I’m running a fever (which is why I think I’ve been so tired and moody today).  It’s a low grade fever around 100 or so but it’s still a fever nonetheless.  I’m at a loss as to what to do.  I just finished antibiotics…so I’m not sure what if it’s still pneumonia or if it’s something else. 

I just feel a bit overwhelmed.  I feel a bit stressed about optical geology.  I have been doing everything in my power to try and get an A (the highest grade I’ve gotten in my geology classes has been a B+ which is embarrassing and I’ve been working my butt off).  However, that probably won’t happen this semester.  It makes me really upset and anxious and I feel almost to the point like I don’t want to study because what’s the point?  I can’t focus and that’s not normal.  I’m thinking about making an appointment with a doctor.  My anxiety is getting REALLY bad this semester.  It’s to the point where I almost have a panic attack just thinking about tests.  My knee injury really isn’t helping.  I don’t think I’m necessarily depressed but I am really overwhelmed and full of anxiety.  

Also, my roommates are oblivious.  I am really upset about tonight.  My roommate comes home and is in a bad mood.  Now, they left last weekend and left the house A MESS.  It was gross.  A HUGE pile of dishes, etc.  I ended up straightening up the kitchen and keeping up with the dishes all last week even though I didn’t feel well.  I left this weekend to go on a trip with my husband and come back and the house looks like a bomb blew up.  The kitchen is disgusting with a huge pile of dishes.  My roommate comes home tonight in a bad mood and starts cleaning and tells me that I need to clean too and tries to guilt trip me into cleaning when I’ve been the one cleaning!  WTF?  I *hate* it when people try to guilt me into doing stuff, especially if I’ve been cleaning all along. One day, I’m just going to snap on the both of them and cuss them out.  Then, I’ll probably feel better. 🙂 

I’m just exhausted.  Literally, I feel like I want to have a mental breakdown.  I’m so stressed because of class, my knee not healing, my roommates breathing down my throat, this sickness I can’t seem to shake, I can’t hike, I can’t exercise because of my knee, and I haven’t really been sleeping because I’m worried about school.  I dropped two of my classes but I still feel like I can’t do anything right and I feel like a failure.  I feel like I’m a bad geologist because it takes me longer to get some of the concepts and i get so discouraged.  I feel dumb.  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I really don’t.