Vinson Reynolds-Back Where I Started

Its been almost six years since I first met Vinson. I saw him last weekend. I was having my housewarming party during NIU’s homecoming weekend and Rob (my dearest friend) called me and told me that he was visiting for homecoming. I was so excited. I had not felt that way in a long time.  I had to see him. I had not seen him in two years. I had to see him, if only for one moment. So,after the party we drove to Dekalb. We didnt get there until about 1 am. We paid $20 to get into this party, it super cold outside. But I had to see him. We finally got into the club. I walked around a bit, I saw an ex Ray-Asshole but I didnt care about him all I wanted to see was Vinson.Then finally, there he was. The same tall, fair skinned, pretty smile, thick, muscular Vinson. In that instant all my feelings came rushing back. I had spent almost four years trying to get over him and here I was stuck in the same place as before. The first couple of times we saw each other I pretended not to see him. The third time we met face-to-face, I said hi and kept going. (I wasnt sure he would say anything to me) Then he said "Wait a minute Patrice. I know you not just gonna walk right pass me. You still havent changed!’ I told him no I was gonna say somethin. Then we talked and caught up on each other lives. He kept saying that I looked all grown up now and he remembered when I was so young. Well so was he, he is only one year older than me. Then he asked me something I was surprised to hear. He asked me if I was still Mad at him. I said no then he also shocked me when he said "I never disrespected you. I said no you didnt. His words surprised me so because it seemed as if he felt sorry for the way he treated me. And I it felt so good for me to hear him say that. So we talked for a while and he told me that he was now in Wisconson in grad school and coaching the University of Wisconson football team. After we talked we went our separate ways but ALL of me kept wishing he would ask for my number. For the rest of the night, all I did was follow him with my eyes. It was the most exciting night Ive had since my freshman year of college. Its been four years, FOUR YEARS! after all the men after Vinson no one compares to him. All my feeling for him are back and I cant help it. I dont know why I like him so. I cant get him outta my mind so Im gonna stop tryin. I’ve tried for 4 years and I am right back where I started so why even try.I love him so. I dont care about anyone else, other men never work out and they havent so why even try now. Ive tried for 4 years and Im right back where I started. Wanted, waiting, wishing, dreaming, hoping, prayng that one day. I will be the only woman in Vinson’s life. It hurts so bad being in love with someone who you know you will never be with, you cannot see everyday. God, why do I love him so!. If I could just snap my fingers and not feel this way I would but I cant help it. I really love this man. He is the only man I ever loved. Sometimes I think whats the point of living if you cannot feel real love once in your life and not settle. Whats the point, I will never be with him and I will never love anyone the way I love him. For years I prayed to God to help me get over him or find somebody else. Four years of praying has gotten me nowhere, so now I pray to God to find a way for us to be together. God please can I see him again. Will I ever see him again?