Another Entry

I decided today to try something different and write about other aspects of my life besides the fact of how lonely, lost and empty I feel inside.

Lets, see, Well, I finally got that SATC life I always wanted. I live in a faboulous loft in downtown Chicago. I have a marvelous view! When I look outside my window on the 21st floor, I see the the Sears tower, I-90/94 and the Presidental Towers. Its really pretty at night. Sometimes I just come in from work and just stare out my windows. I have floor to ceiling windows on one whole side of my apt so I have a massive view of everything. I would go out on the balcony but I haven’t bought any furniture yet. I’ve been here a year and still haven’t bought any.

Well, what else was part of my SATC asperations. oh, the friends, yeah. Well, I do have my lovely friends. As a matter of fact, when I first moved here, we went out almost every weekend night. Me, I usually hailed a cab and met them at whatever club/lounge/restaurant we were visiting that night. Yeah, I felt like I was really living my dream. All except the Mr.Big part. There has never been a big love in my life.

Sooooo, what else of the SATC life????Ummm, oh yeah, the job??? My job isn’t quite like Carrie’s but pays the bills and allows me to live in the apt of my dreams so I guess its good for now. I got a degree in engineering while in school so now I work as a Quality Engineer at this plastics company. My job is in the suburbs so I have to drive 30 minutes to work everyday. I really wanted a job downtown so I wouldn’t have to drive but there are not many engineering jobs in downtown Chicago unless you are in civil or chemical engineering which is not my field.

My job sucks! I really hate my job but its not so much what I do its the ppl I work with. I actually never would have imagined myself at a small company like this but after getting laid off from Caterpillar, I was happy to get anything I could get. I really think most of my engineering skills are wasted at this company. I have waaaaaay too many certifications from working at Caterpillar and before that Johnson Controls. I feel over qualified for this job alot! I am a certified Six Sigma BlackBelt and I barely ever get to use all that stastics stuff I learned in my training. I am starting to forget it and I hate that! I sometimes feel my skills are wasting away here but with the economy so bad, no one is hiring! I don’t plan on being here long, as soon as the economy rebounds, I’m outta there! I just hope I haven’t forgotten everything! Oh well, this job is paying my bills.

Lets see what else, my family! My family is faboulous! I have two younger siblings both still in H.S. Both really really younger than me so I guess that contributes to my feelings of loniness. Because I don’t really have brothers or sisters or cousins to talk to. They are so much younger than I, they could never understand what I am going through. Men, mortgages, car notes, jobs, etc.  And you can only tell your friends so much. My mother is wonderful. Although,we never had the kinda relationship were we share our deep down true feelings. I call her when I have a bad day or I am fustrated about life in general. But what am really feeling, I keep all inside.

‘Well, my dinner is about ready so I will cut it off here. But this felt really good, today. To write about something else besides how lonely I am and the disappointments in men I have to deal with. I think I will continue with this in my next entry.,…