SUPERBLY SUPERB, this day was.

top secret super diary stuff:

A few days ago I was particularly anxious about my husband.  He was hinting of job hopping again and it was difficult to contain my rage.  I can’t through to him that we are in a depression.  He won’t understand that Gross and Net and WAY different when you have advances and child support.  I told him to give the company a chance and be honest with them first.  He has been sitting too much.  He’s a great truck driver, but a crappy wait arounder, yanno?  So my rage jumped onto the page, as thus:

It’s Not You, It’s Me

We covered the ground of love with promises and pledges
Too close too tight not to be moved with wedges
I looked into your eyes and swore forever loyalty
But time has moved along and it’s not you, it’s me

It’s me that tried for chance after chance
It’s me that cried through glance after glance
It’s not the anger that you gave for free
Remember my goodbye, it’s not you, it’s me

How many chances do I have to give to you
I showed and I told of the love I had to prove
But you wouldn’t listen and you couldn’t see
So try to remember it’s not you, it’s me

It’s me that is leaving and goin down the road
It’s me that gave up on this whole load
It’s never gonna work out you better see
Cuz when I look back, it’s not you, it’s me

I’ve had enough and cannot take it
I had a heart and you had to break it
I give up on love
We ain’t gonna make it

Forget me forget it, it’s over it’s through
It’s not me, it’s you
You lied, you cried, you tried, I died
You loved, you shoved, you yelled, I’d hide

It shouldda never happened is what I believe
But I’m good at running cuz it’s not you, it’s me
See ya, I’m over and out,
Nothin left to talk about

Can’t make it, won’t take it
Love’s gone when you break it
You can’t see me through
So long, it’s all you

Just a rage on the page is all I can say.  It was a gift, as I so find poetry to be.  Make me sit down and write you a poem and it would be very 5th grade, but when they jump into my head, I try to pay attention.  Nothing special.  ‎Saturday, ‎September ‎11, ‎2010, ‏‎11:35:41 PM

September 12 at 1:50pm

Don’t mean to bug ya. Miss ya lots. Miss Topeka. Shoulda never left… but everything happens for a reason. Do you get overwhelmed with bullshit songs???? Here’s another one! OMG! *hugz*

It’s Not You, It’s Me

We covered the ground of love with promises and pledges
Too close too tight not to be moved with wedges
I looked into your eyes and swore forever loyalty
But time has moved along and it’s not you, it’s me

It’s me that tried for chance after chance
It’s me that cried through glance after glance
It’s not the anger that you gave for free
Remember my goodbye, it’s not you, it’s me

How many chances do I have to give to you
I showed and I told of the love I had to prove
But you wouldn’t listen and you couldn’t see
So try to remember it’s not you, it’s me

It’s me that is leaving and goin down the road
It’s me that gave up on this whole load
It’s never gonna work out you better see
Cuz when I look back, it’s not you, it’s me

I’ve had enough and cannot take it
I had a heart and you had to break it
I give up on love
We ain’t gonna make it
Forget me forget it, it’s over it’s through
It’s not me, it’s you

You lied, you cried, you tried, I died
You loved, you shoved, you yelled, I’d hide
It shouldda never happened is what I believe
But I’m good at running cuz it’s not you, it’s me

See ya, I’m over and out,
Nothin left to talk about
Can’t make it, won’t take it
Love’s gone when you break it
You can’t see me through
So long, it’s all you
 
 

Today I get a text at 3pm.  "r u going to be close to ur PC in about an hour?"  Yessir!  "good…stay tuned"  WilldoMagoo!  "4:04pm  "R u @ pc?"  Yep.  "Meet me in chat @ FB?"     {insert surpise e-mail chat here and i go check e-mail and find something that brought me to tears}….   text at 4:20  "did u die?"     Yeah, I sorta did.  It’s Thursday, September 16th, 2010.  I have this song on my computer and soon my fon that I will listen to 50 times a day.  By myself.  To devour and enjoy.  This young man I met 36 years ago has given me the greatest gift I think I can remember.  He pulled the form from inside me and recorded it EXACTLY how I tried to imagine. 

it is SO PERSONAL that I cannot even share it with the diary yet.  weird.  it’s breathtaking and i get to make the whole video.  and i get to learn to play it on bass with him in Topeka next month.  do you know how LARGE my eyes are smiling.  i still haven’t caught my breath!  i did a still shot video for him a few weeks ago.  http://www.airllusion.com/backlash/younggirls/  I believe that’s right.

BUT…. on a worse note, my Doxie Rott living with Grandma for hating my Chihuahua Lefty accidently attacked her 5 lb. poodle.  all ended well but for a couple hours i feared for his life.  it was a threatening situation and he was trying to push her back.  but she’s the alpha dog, he’s just 4 times bigger.

I watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show again this week and it reminded me the joy we have from ….

A
n
T
i
c…..

PA….

Wishing you Peace and Resolution,

 

Yaechle