Ugh

So I am having a pretty crappy day and I feel like I need to vent.

1. So my old laptop pretty much died and I have needed to get a new one to go to college. I picked one out and everything and decided i am going to order it today and I told my dad about it and he is like DONT ORDER IT TODAY and I am like why not? and he is like because today is "chaudash" and tomorrow is "amaas" -the last two days of the Hindu calendar which are supposed to be considered bad luck for whatever reason.  And I don’t believe in that stuff really but now I am all paranoid and don’t feel like ordering it. I feel like he jinxed it for me or something. And it just pisses me off because I want to order the freaking thing today so it gets here on time. I am just pissed off that even though I dont believe in that stuff, I kind of do and I feel compelled to listen to him and i am also annoyed that I waited so long to pick out the damn thing and now it has come to this point where it may or may not arrive in time.  UGH. And now I have to wait 2 more days where it may really not arrive on time.

2. My boss at work sucks.  He keeps hitting on me big time and its pissing me off because its just extremely unprofessional and disrespectful.  He is insulting my intelligence on top of it.  This is summer work so I am quitting at the end of next week so it’s not a huge deal. But this makes me realize that i am always going to work in a company with a bunch of guys since I am an engineer. And as much as America is a civilized country, everywhere I go there is a serious lack of female engineers and old fucking guys who went to school when there literarly were no girls in their class are not used to talkign to girls evidently.  Like they all assumed that I was some secretary just because I am a girl. It fucking angers me. And he acts like oh you don’t go out much do you? And he is very inappropriately touchy, it pisses me off.  I need to learn how to be a cold hard bitch at work and not give a shit about anybody’s ‘feelings’.

3. Things with D have been majorly sucky. He met some girls at his new job and there are a few of them that are Indian and apparently one of them-Rima is Indian and our type of Indian.  Gujarati and close to her family and all that.  This all started off when he was like "well I don’t know about us and I don’t know if we make sense together or if we should get married etc and I feel like all this time I tried so hard to get you to like me I never seriously thought about what it is that I want.  And nobody has ever had a crush on me before and I kind of want to know what it feels like when somebody likes me. "  So that is why he is not telling Rima at work that he has a gf because its like he wants to know what a ‘natural’ relationship with a girl feels like without the girl knowing that he has a gf. 

What a bunch of bullcrap.  What that means to me is that he wants to have his cake and eat it too.  He wants to have a gf but he doesn’t want to commit. he doesn’t want to tell other girls that hit on him that he has a gf? What kind of bullshit is that. After 8 years of being together he comes up with this? I can’t even believe it.

O and then he tells me that I shouldn’t worry about anything because the only reason why he is telling me this is because he wants to be completely honest with me and he does not like Rima, just that he is lonley in chicago and he just wants to make friends with people. 

I don’t even know what to do.  Should I break up with him? Should I give him time to fix his head? I know him and I understand what he is feeling but that doesn’t mean that I agree with it or that just because I understand how he is feeling, it doesn’t hurt me that he is feeling this way.

For the last couple of days things went okay , we talked and he agreed that he should tell Rima that he has a gf and he kind of mentioned it apparently.  But today he called me really late at break and he was like I have to go back and he told me some story about how the prescription he filled yest was in Rima’s bin today for follow up (he is a pharmacist and so is she) and how they were joking around.  It sounded like flirty joking around and I am convinced the only reason why he told me about the whole joking around he did this morning is because he felt guilty.  In fact, the only reason why he told me any of this is because he felt guilty.  And then he hung up. And he has been calling in between lately and also on his drive home from work, but today he didn’t.  It’s 6:32 and  I am sure he is already home by now but he hasn’t called.

sigh.