O life

So I finally took control of my life and stopped talking to D completely as of last Friday. Everytime I talk to him, he makes me feel like total crap . And i decided enough wa enough and i can’t go in circles with him anymore and I was not sleeping, or eating properly and i lost 6 pounds in like 10 days and my grades in school were dropping so i said that’s just it. And somehow I magically got the strength to hold my ground and I did so far. So I am proud of myself.

I slept regularly. I started eating properly. I wear my invisaligns on a regular basis. I do my school work.  I go to bed with a clear head and wake up with a plan of what I need to do.  Only thing to do now is to start going to the gym.  I am getting back to my oldself.

I have come to terms with the fact that this whole D thing will not happen and if i don’t marry him, i will still be okay. and it is not such a bad thing to be single.  there are a lot of advantages to it as well. I dont have to report what i do to anyone and i dont have to plan my life around anyone.  I am accepting what god does to me and embracing it because I know it is best for me.  I think that if I am really supposed to be with D then somehow somewhere some magic wil happen and it will just end up that way.  The path for what’s meant to be , just is. If you are fighting too much then you are trying too hard.  As soon as I stopped talkign to D, I felt SO much better and I just magically got this srength.  I feel like taht’s god’s way of showing me that that was the right thing to do. So I am thankful for it.

Anyway, now that people know I am single, I really need to watch how I act around guys.  I think that maybe I am too flirty so I just need to be careful. 

I just hope that Sho, or Kyle are not getting any ideas because they keep asking me to hang out every weekend and I mean it’s just me and Sho or me and Kyle and I mean it could get awkward. Secondly this Z guy i met here is very clingy and he has started calling me to see if I ate lunch /dinner everyday and it’s getting annoying.  Thirdly, this other Karan guy from india started calling me ‘just to chat’ and then asked if I wanted to meet up…so I don’t know what to do with that.  Lastly, the whole Samir going crazy and constantly asking to hang out is continuing so I really don’t know what to do with that.

I mean I am not interested in any of them.  So what is the proper thing to do? Keep saying no and making up excuses?

What I normally did was hang out with ppl if they ask and then just let it be known that i have a bf and then they either stop trying or they are okay with being friends and we continue to be friends. But now I don’t know what to do.

I don’t even know how to be single. How do other people handle this stuff? I feel like a evil bitch if  I have to make up excuses to say no to people and I also suck at making up excuses on the spot.  And also I don’t even know if they are ‘asking me out’ or just casually asking to hang out cuz everyone here is pretty friendly and i mean people hang out all the time. So, I don’t want to be presumptuous and be like o btw i am not interested in  you in that way cuz i mean thats just weird and nobody does that.

So yea.