D came to visit me …Drama Con’d

So like I said I broke up with him last week, but then D decided that he wanted to see me in person and talk and he booked the tickets on Wednesday to come here on Saturday. 

I cried at least a couple of buckets worth. I guess because I kept thinking of past promises and how they are no longer going to be fulfilled.

D also wrote an email to that other girl Rima on Thursday asking her to hang out on Friday. (in a flirty way) and she wrote back and said she couldn’t because some other girl Meghna couldn’t go .  But then she wrote back and said she is sorry and she doesn’t want D to think that she doesn’t want to hang out, it’s just that Meghna is busy etc.  And then D wrote back the most flirtiest email I have ever seen whose subject was a joke question "why don’t mexicans play in olympics" and then he proceeded to tell her that he has a lot in common with her and he doesn’t think they would get bored if meghna didn’t go, and they should try to hang out again because 3rd time is the charm and some other stuff like that.  And then he concluded with PS: Let me know if you know the answer to that joke.  Sort of insuring that she writes him back.

D changed the pw of his email so I of course didn’t get to see any of this.  I physically wrestled him to see these emails and then he let me read them.

I know. how pathetic are we.

We both basically had a bunch of mood swings where we went from yes yes we can fix everything to let’s break up now. No real conclusion was reached.

In the final mood swing before he left, he said that he cant be without me and he wants to please please start over and forget all this and he wants to make me happy like he used to and he cried when I insisted that it’s over and please let’s just move on with our lives and he said it’s not over and it can never be over with us because we grew up together and he is everything he is because of me and he said that he’ll prove to me how much he cares and that the whole thing with rima is completely over and that he is going to tell her he has a gf and brag about me at work like he always used to do.

But then he has said this stuff before and nothing has changed. 

Then he said that she doesn’t even like him and she didn’t write back to him and if she did like him why wouldn’t she answer me and I am ruining our relationship for some girl that doesnt even like me. I’m like wth does that all mean? To me it means that he tried but she didnt respond so now he is going to stick with his backup: me

Anyway, bottom line is I am giving him one more week at the latest to do whatever it is that he needs to do.  I am counting the strikes against him.  If he does anything that sounds like an excuse or is not the way he should have done it, then it is over.  The more time passes and the more we go back and forth and do this, the more mentally prepared I get to accept and handle this.  I already threw out a lot of stuff he gave me.  So, I am minimizing the amount of stuff that remind me of him.  I still have a sweater that he left here. I told him to take it back today and he said it’s yours because I gave it to you and he said if you don’t want it then throw it out cuz I don’t want it back.  I think I will do so if necessary at the end of next week.  Anyway, the afsos ( regret) in all this is that after all this time, it had to come down to this? 

On the other hand, I have a lot of faith in God. I don’t think that there are coincidences or accidents in life.  I think everything happens for a good reason.  Tumne jo chaha wo hua, to bahot accha.  Jo chaha wo nahi hua to aur bhi accha kyuki tumne jo chaha wo nahi hua to bhagvan ne jo chaha wo hua aur bhagvan kabhi kisi ka bura nahi karte.  Trans: If what you wanted to happen, happened then thats good but if what you wanted to happen didn’t happen then its even better because if what you wanted to happen didn’t happen then what god wanted to happen, happened and god always does what’s best for everyone.

 Other thing is that I am hard working. I got into good schools by having good grades and studying my butt off.  I am going to get an awesome job and be succesful.  I am going to do a lot of charity work here and abroad and give back to the world.  I don’t think I am a bad girl or there is something wrong that I did so I hate that he makes it seem that way.  I don’t drink . I don’t smoke. I don’t eat meat.  I don’t go out and party and grind up against guys.  I don’t wear slutty clothes.  I respect my parents and grandparents and older sister.  I am kind to strangers.  I find opportunities to try to help everyone around me.  I always smile.  I tell goofy stories and do my best to make everyone happy around me.  I will be an amazing mom and wife and daughter in law and sister in law because I have a lot of love to give to people.  Even now, I take better care of D’s parents, then he does or would in the future.  Same with his sister.  He doesnt ever think to get her anything even for raksha bandhan or her birthday.  If we go shopping, and I find something cute , i’ll get two one for me and one fore my sister and now I get one for his sister too.  Anyway, my point is that I am doing my best to do the right thing based on whatever information I have at the time and I will continue to do that.  I want to be with someone that appreciates it when I make good choices and also someone who can tell me when I am making a mistake and help me fix it.  I don’t need to be with someone who sees my weaknesses and uses it to break me down.  Anyway, maybe that’s why God wants me out of this unless D can change and fix his attitude, God is like you need to get out and this is just his way to help me out. 

Anyway, school starts tomorrow! first day of classes.  I am excited 🙂  I’ll wrtie about all that as I go to class and find out how it is! Wish me luck for school.  I need to do really well this year esp for the amount of money I am paying to be here.

Smiles 🙂