Where Am I Going?
Well there is so much going on in my life right now and to be quite honest its stressing me out quite a bit. So to elaborate, I went to my girl friends AIT graduation in Fort Lee, VA on the 17th of this month and I brought her home finally after 6 months of being away that same day. I was ecstatic to see her and to have her home, and she seemed excited too but she also seemed uncomfortable and like she had a lot on her mind. Well I remember when I came home from Basic I was had a very similar mentality. But it’s a week and a half later and it just seems like this whole time she’s been home she’s been distant. Now I found out some reasoning behind the distance but I won’t state publicly, but lets just say she needs to find herself. She feels lost, has no idea what she really wants and if she did know she doesn’t know how to go about achieving it. She claims she knows she loves me still and wants to marry me someday but for now would prefer that I be more of a friend, keep dating yes, but act more as a friend for now until she gets her head together. She says she needs space, so when I try to give her space, she’ll call me in the middle of the night while she’s at her dads and tell me she can’t sleep and needs me there, so I go, but then she needs space, she confuses the hell out of me. Basically it has come down to, she wants different things than I do and even though I love her so much that I am willing to do what I have to to help her achieve these adventurous goals of hers, that doesn’t seem like enough. It hurts and I don’t know what to do.
On top of this shit I am still in school and to be honest I’ve grown to hate it. I go yes, and I do well but I don’t look forward to being there anymore. I like what I am learning but not entirely. I’m tired of the military, it’s worn me down, even as a Reservist, it’s just not what I want anymore. I have been so distant from God and church the past I can’t count how many years now that I have finally noticed the affect it has taken on me. I am now seeking to get back in church and seek God’s help and His guidance through this frustrating time in my life, because I don’t know what to do anymore.
But regardless of what happens in the near and distant future, I love you Lauren, I love you with all my heart and I always will, you can always count on me to be there for you no matter what the circumstance. You are the sweetest, most caring, beautiful person inside and out that I have ever met. You make me so happy even when you cause me pain, because at least I still know I love you and have your love. Give me the chance I ask for and I deserve and I will, I WILL make it worth your while.