Give us this day, our daily bread

…and forgive us for feeding our children fingers of fudge….

Dear Diary,

I have a sewing pile that is resembling a small mountain and I have a very achy back *whine*.  Also whilst I would never regret having children, if I was to regret then today would be a day to cause that….little bastards! 

It has been wet, Choo was tired from a sleepover and both were bored as walking down the stairs constitutes a workout for me at the moment.  

I did manage to watch more episodes of old American sitcoms than I thought possible in a day and we had some cuddles.  After World War 5000 broke out over a game of monopoly it was definitely bed time.  

I am supplementing my drugs with wine…naughty habit.  And despite having cooked for the childerbeasts I am having takeaway which is incredibly naughty and such a treat.  

Pizza with prawns, pineapple, salami and extra cheese, with homemade coleslaw and so much garlic mayo that I believe it is a good thing the hunk is not here tonight!  YUM!! And no, I’m not pregnant.  

One of the chores that had to be accomplished today was bread making.  I have a bread machine but by dint of the fact I bought the wrong yeast and because I don’t really need that much encouragement…we made it by hand.  

Somehow it always tastes better.

Now there is always a war, which is never won, rather an uneasy detente is reached.  

The childerbeasts want white bread, I want granary or wholemeal.

We settle for a sort of half and half loaf.  

Flour comes from an old mill just upstream, a National Trust Property – linky

Now because I bought easy yeast or some such (needs proofing before adding to dry ingredients) we mix 150mls warm wilk with 100mls warm water, one teaspoon of sugar and one and a bit teaspoons of yeast.  Mix well, then cover and bung in an airing cupboard, on a warm windowsill etc.  It will need about 15 mins and will look like dirty baby puke when it is ready – all scummy and frothy.

Appetising, no?

In a bowl mix together 225g strong white bread flour (plain will work but the dough won’t be as elastic), 225g wholemeal (or granary) flour, a good pinch of salt at least a teaspoon then muddle it about a bit.  

Make a well in the centre and crack in an egg before dumping in you yeasty stuff.  Bring it all together to form a dough.

Flour a surface and get your hands messy.  Bash the shit out of it for ten minutes.  Think about all the people who have really pissed you off today, and yesterday, not to mention last week. I tend to find the Maggot good inspiration.

By the time you have relieved all your aggression (and no need for expensive kickboxing classes or shrinks) your dough should be smooth and elastic.

Pop it in a lightly greased bowl, cover and bung it back in your warm place until it doubles in size – probably 40 mins.  

Take dough and punch it once, then wrap it into whatever ingenious shape you like.  Mine gets the sausage treatment then ends folded under before being bunged in a loaf tin.  

Cover again and put back in warm place – give it half an hour

Heat oven to 170C fan assist (190 normal – GM4),

Dough should have risen again – double or there-a-bouts. You can, at this point, should you wish, brush with egg/milk and sprinkle seeds on top.  Pop it in the oven and go and play on FB, or write and OD entry, or if you really must, do something worthy, like ironing.  

Give it 45 mins – 1 hr.  

Should sound hollow when you tap the bottom.  

Bung it on a wire rack.  Cut and eat it now, however tempting that is, and you will pay for it with indigestion that makes you think you are having a heart attack.  

If you want a crusty crust leave to air dry on rack.  If you prefer a softer crust then wrap in a just damp (and I mean just, wring it again to be sure) teatowel and leave to cool.  

Best served with real butter and jam, or marmite, or cheese, or marmelade, or with soup, or eggs or beans or……

Fi