Anarchopianists

Today finds me very melancholy. Last night, a friend phoned me and told me he was in a very dark place and wanted to commit suicide. It isn’t the first time we’ve discussed it. He’s not the first person to call me in a moment of desperation.  I never know what to say. All I can really do is listen, validate their feelings, and let them talk through their moment of darkness until it hopefully passes.

In another area of my life, I asked my wife what she wants for Christmas. She responded that all she wants is for me to tell her that I love her, and that we’re going to grow old together. I told her in March that I wanted a divorce. After a lot of crying and begging and bargaining, I caved when she told me she wanted to try counseling. We had tried before, and she either didn’t show up, or walked out. We gave it a try, and I don’t really think we made any progress. There are so many issues we have, and she refuses to work on them at all. She learned a habit from her family of ignoring any issues instead of talking about them. It led to a lot of issues, when she started expressing anger and frustration in really negative ways. She broke my things. I had to send a lot of my more important stuff to my sister’s house so it wouldn’t get broken or thrown away. I’ve just sort of been living like this for a year now. I need to get through the holidays and then next year start to make plans for how to seperate.