A most frustrating day in Greenbelt

I made the dumbest mistake today. I could kick myself over and over until I turn blue, I swear. I was trying to book a ticket using Orbitz to go home and see my boyfriend Doug from December 21 to 26. I was in such a hurry to book it before prices went up that I wanted to make sure I did this today. I headed over to the local Starbucks cafe here in Greenbelt to get online and take care of it. It was only after I thought I’d gotten the best price for a ticket and checked all of the details that I hit the “confirm” button, thinking ‘there, that’s that.’ I was feeling pretty happy until I realized that I’d put Wyoming into the billing address for my credit card instead of my now current state of residence, Maryland. I panicked and called Customer Service, mistakenly thinking they could work some kind of magic to help me, and I was way off course.

Once I contacted a lady for my initial problem, I realized she had said “Dulles.” OH NO. I can’t possibly fly out of Dulles, I told her. I don’t know how to get there, and it’s way too far from D.C. The metro doesn’t even access it, as far as I know. Then she just kept repeating over and over like a computer that I’d have to either cancel it (for a fee of $100) so I could start over, or I’d have to go with what I’d already booked.

How long will this tie up my card, I must have asked her more than once before she finally gave me a straight answer. Like a talking instruction manual, she kept reiterating that it would be about 30 days. I can’t wait 30 days to rebook my ticket, because then it will cost too much, I said, beginning to cry. She just kept repeating what seemed like the only words she knew, until I finally, in my emotional state of frustration at NOW not being able to book the trip I’d been looking forward to, told her to “F” off since she didn’t seem to want to even try to help me.

I’m just having a really hard time of it lately. I don’t know anyone in this area except my roommates and coworkers. I wake up every Saturday trying to will myself out of bed so that I can go alone and take in the sights. I visualize how fun it would be to shoot a card full of photos with my Canon 10D so that I can come home and upload them for friends and family. But nothing seems quite worth it without my guy or a good friend like Lisa back in Wyoming. So I just lie there, feeling there is no immediate reason to get going; so I don’t get up. Today I lay there until almost 4 p.m. before I finally found the energy to roll over and reach for my cell phone to call Doug. I knew if anyone could give me a reason to want to get moving it would be him. Sure enough, about 15 minutes of conversation with him and I felt better, got up and took a shower, and ate my first meal for the day, a bowl of Kashi cereal.

It’s hard being in a new town where you don’t know anyone, and you don’t have anyone to do anything with. I don’t have a fear of doing things alone. I just feel that things done alone are so much less interesting than they are when they are shared with another person. Human beings are social creatures. We need relationships and friendships, social ties, to give us a reason to do things in our lives, because, in my opinion, anything you cannot share with someone else, is not worth doing.

So I just lie in my humble little space, thinking of all of the things I could be doing, on my air mattress, with my bare, undecorated walls, and I decide that it’s just not worth it.

Doug tried to do his best to console me after my horrible mistake, for which I blame myself. He said that we’d work something out. We’d fix this error. Whatever happens, we will see each other, he assured me, telling me not to worry — even if the accidentally purchased ticket is tying up my card now, I can wait until next payday in two weeks and still probably find a decent enough ticket price to try ordering a flight online once again.

I’m sure he’s right, but it still didn’t help me to stop crying. I headed to the local liquor store and bought myself two six packs of Blue Moon to comfort me on this lonely, frustrating evening and then headed to use the wireless over at the New Deal Cafe, since the connection at home is for now somehow broken. I left my cozy corner at Starbucks after I noticed everyone was wondering why this crazy chick was crying uncontrollably in the corner. That was sort of embarrassing. I’m in an area of the world where there is so much to do. It’s what I’ve always wanted and never had until now, and I’m still just as lonely as if I were back in desolate Casper, Wyoming, months ago, before I met Doug. Some things never seem to change. As they say: “Wherever you go, there you are.” I’ve always been a loner, from the moment I stood unnoticed and apart from the crowd on my elementary school playground, and even now in this locale of thousands or maybe millions of people.

So now I’m drinking a Grolsch, sitting in a corner to myself, at least happily virtually connected to the outside world, my favorite place to be, where it at least feels like you can make some kind of impression and people will notice you. I’m eating Indian style rice and vegetables as I wonder if things will ever get better here. The job’s great, but it’s these times when I’m not actively engaged at work that I don’t know what to do with myself.