12/11/2011

Grr I can’t get her out of my head. Like seriously, she appears in my dreams (which all have to do with being outdoors, camping, hiking (looking up in the dream dictionary I bought, okay nothing there, GOOGLE-FU ACTIVATE!)).

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Camping

To dream that you are camping indicates a need for relaxation and a long-deserved break.  You need to be more in touch with nature and go back to a more basic and simpler life. Alternatively, it refers to your social circle and support group. You are looking for a sense of belonging, but at the same time be self-sufficient and independent. 

Hiking
To dream that you are hiking represents progress and achievement. With perseverance and strong-will, you will make it far in life.

Outside
To dream that you are outside represents freedom, openness and opportunities. You are able to spread out and enjoy. Alternatively, the dream signifies your need to be more expressive. It is telling you that you need to stop closing yourself off.

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Well, that’s not very helpful. I mean yeah it all makes sense, but I was hoping for something more about my love life. I’m going to blame the stupid damn lesbian romantic movie I watched before my nap this afternoon. Classic gay chick (who was OMG adorable), meets classic straight, married, with kid woman. They fall in love. Oddly enough in this one the husband was…. supportive. He’s all "we can share her, and please come back she misses you". Weird. Ended horrible though. Either way the stupid movie planted the idea in my head that maybe, just maybe, the straight married with children chick could possibly, maybe, feel something for me.

Stupid movie. Messing with my head. I have enough shit going on in there as is.

Driving my up a wall though. I’ll get over it. Better if I don’t see her daily. Guess I’ll have to suck it up and don’t whine about moving to the production floor. Only way to deal with it. Distance. And I message a girl on OkCupid last night. Really it was in one of my regular fits of ‘oh fuck me I just want to talk to someone, anyone, I don’t care who, just someone’. Those moments where you realize you have no one to talk to. No friends who will reliably respond to a text message (since I hate talking on the phone). No one. And I hate that, and I just want to communicate with someone. It sucks. I’m anti-social by nature, so I don’t generally want to talk to anyone, but then those moments hits and it’s like a weight sitting on my heart. Stupid emotions.