06/30/2012

I have conquered the Lawn Beast.

It was a magical adventure, with danger and sorrow. I, the hero of the story, had to suit up in my battle armor (OD green tactical pants that are a few sizes too big for my tiny waist now, a skin tight green tshirt, and black ankle boots) before I could even attempt the beast. First off I knew it would be a tough fight. My Trusty Steed (the borrowed lawn mower) was giving me trouble. Wouldn’t get moving no matter what I tried. After a few curses, and a couple kicks for good measure my trusty steed went. The Lawn Beast had a few friends on his side though, the Tree Monster (the huge oak tree), the Rock Monster (a random pile of gravel near the road), and the horrible Hose Monster (the garden hose). But my Trusty Steed and I tackled them all. Not with ease mind you, we had a few mishaps. When the Tree Monster sprouted it’s giant roots to block our way, when the Rock Monster spitted it’s little children at us, and then the Hose Monster popped out and I swear I thought it was Evil Snake. Oh, the Lawn Beast got us for a moment. It chocked up my Trusty Steed so bad he needed a rest. I thought for sure we were done then, that the Lawn Beast won. My poor Trusty Steed. But alas! Trusty Steed got moving again. And we whacked that Lawn Beast to mulch. MWHAHAHAHAHA!

And now this gallant hero, who is a hot sweaty mess, must rest. And have a well deserved cigarette.

In other news. Not really sure what’s up with the girl and I. We agreed to a friends with benefits thing. Honestly, I really don’t have the ability to be in a serious relationship. I can’t make a girlfriend my number 1 priority. I’m working 50-55 hours a week, and only having Saturday off. She doesn’t want a girlfriend because she wants to get her own shit together. It works for me right now. I haven’t seen her in a couple weeks, simply because we’re both always doing something right now. I could have went to St. Pete Pride today with her and a bunch of her friends (and ex’s), but I’m a socially ackward penguin. And I know I’d be a bitch to her ex. And I know her ex would act like she owns her. I wouldn’t take it well. I am going to have to talk to her and see if she intends to be sleeping with other people. I’m not about to get germs because she can’t keep her pants on.

And Saturday I’m trying to get all the normal shit done. Grocery shopping, cleaning, other shit. Plus I’m barely breaking even with the bills. I make just enough (with all my overtime) to cover the bills. That doesn’t leave barely any money for anything. I did manage to buy myself a new cell phone. I canceled my data plan so my smartphone wasn’t going to work. I used an old 90’s Nokia that I kept for a couple weeks, but it wasn’t cutting it. So I went to Walmart and bought a $50 phone. I earned the right to get myself a gift. I’m so glad I know that even though I have a contract plan, I can still use a pre-paid cell phone. Ha, screw you T-Mobile! Oh, and I bought hair dye.

It’s summer so I decided to go back to an auburn/copper/strawberry blonde. I look good. I have a little bit of a tan (partly from spending a day at the beach with the girl, my mom, and my nephew, and partly from walking everyday outside). I’ve lost so much weight I can’t help but stare some mornings. None of my pants fit. Every month I go and buy two or three pairs of pants from the thrift store (75% tags, makes each pair less that 3 bucks, hells yes). And none of them fit anymore. None of my belts fit anymore. Most of my shirts are too large too. My tshirts are fine, but my work shirts… ugh. I do have one awesome brown button up shirt that I look banging in though.

I so hope I get all my errands and shit done early enough that I can nap today. ‘Cause it’s back to work tomorrow. Shoot me. I’m so tired of my job. I love my job normally, but this week has been hell. Everyone in my unit is about to snap. Too much stress. 

Oh, remind me to upload some pictures of my kitten! He’s getting big.