My Story

Oh man, I have needed an outlet to tell my story. I think that is why I got this email about OD starting up again. My story starts out as a small town girl, raised on a 100 acre farm. I was the only child, which was a blessing, as no other children had to experience the trauma I had. From an early age until the age of 10, I was sexually abused by my biological father. F*ck that never gets easier to say. At the age of 10, I was given the opportunity to binge eat all the junk food I wanted. When I say that, I mean my mom would let me pick out my own food at the grocery store. So of course that meant chips, candy, cookies, cakes, etc. At the age of 13, when I had my first sexual bf, all the childhood memories I suppressed came flooding back. I tried to kill myself by ingesting what I could find around the house. I just wanted my pain to end, which is why I starting cutting myself. Cutting became my outlet, a way to release the pain I was holding. When my cutting ways were exposed I had to resort to a new way of expressing myself. I call it expressing, because harming was not really what I wanted to do. I started starving myself. I could do this without people really knowing. I would hide in the library at school during lunch hour, and lie about eating dinner at night. It worked for many years before I resorted back to my binge ways. I went from one abusive relationship to another, all the while hating myself. This continued until 4 years ago when I was witness to my fathers arrest for possession and distribution of child pornography. It was a day I dreamed about as a child, but I didn’t feel happy. His arrest brought the reality that the abuse happened, and I could not pretend it away. I started to sink into a deep depression, and like my old ways, I was planning my death. This is when I told my friend about the abuse and she advised me to seek help. I did, and began my 3 1/2 year healing journey.