Death

My son passed away last Sunday. Heart failure. He had heart failure a few years ago. It was so bad the doctors were talking transplant. They never really understood what the root cause of the heart failure was. They thought perhaps it was a virus. But he had a blood clot near his heart and it was very serious at the time. He recovered somewhat, but developed severe anxiety and had multiple emotional and financial issues due to the anxiety; job loss, divorce, etc. But he managed to build himself back up, he found a great job, had a wonderful partner and life was looking good. But he became sick again, had to go to the hospital, and when he came out of the hospital, he just never got much better and eventually died at home. Unexpected, but not.

So I deal with grief and all of the annoying subcomponents.  I’m mostly angry at my spouse. Because he never got along with our son and our son eventually cut all ties with his father. He kept in touch with me, but he wouldn’t have anything to do with his father. I hadn’t seen my son for the last three years at least. And the messages and phone calls were sporadic. I don’t want to be angry or bitter. It’s worse than any toxic substance. My anger seems to outweigh my grief. I hope I work through it.