crack in the shell

My emotional armor is fairly strong. I don’t stay angry for very long. I may get my feelings hurt from time to time, but the sting goes away after a day or so. But today was not a good day for me emotionally. My son was cremated today. It’s been a month and he’s finally being cremated. And for whatever reason, the hurt is still there. The tears are just waiting to drop. The internal groan yearns to scream. And then my spouse says, I don’t want to be reminded anything about Paul. I don’t want the bad feelings and nightmares to continue. I just want to forget him. Those words “forget him” cut into me like a jagged rusty piece of metal. How cruel is that selfish prick. He treated his son poorly and now he wants to pretend his atrocious behavior over the years never existed. It will be a steep mountain to climb, a desert of sharp glass to walk through, a lake of acid to swim through before I can begin to forgive.