Long, Hard Road Out Of Hell

There’s no going back.

My husband is now back in Washington, living with his grandmother.

She wants me to keep ties with him so he doesn’t get angry and depressed and hurt her ..or worse. I don’t want that to happen but I can’t handle having contact with him right now. He’s done way too much, hurt me way too bad.

She wants me to make a deal with him. In a year, if he’s grown up, learned how to take care of himself. Learned and understand what he had and lost. That there’s a chance I’ll take him back. Just until she moves to Montana because she is afraid of him. That if I cut ties, he’ll hurt her, kill her or kill himself.

I don’t want to abandon her like that but I can’t trust him. He wanted to see our daughter today and my answer was no, I’m not ready.

He’s the one that was drunk at 10am, screaming at and threatening my dad and brother. I had no choice, I called the cops and he was deported. I don’t even know if he’s aware that it’s me who made the call. I’m afraid to ask.

What he did…not just that incident, but everything else…is not something I can forgive.

He uses people till there’s nothing left. He manipulates. And acts like he’s the victim.

Does it make me a bad mother to have done that? I never wanted my family ripped apart. And I’ve been telling him that for years. Just grow up. Take care of yourself.

I’d go to work on hardly any sleep cause she wakes up at god knows what time. Naps at like 3…I’m guessing…and she’s up till 2-3 am. And I had to get up at 5.

I wasn’t ever allowed to asked what they did, when she got up, what they had for breakfast or lunch. Caus, in his delusional mind, I was just bitching.

Is it really bitching? I’m just asking about their day!

Hiding downstairs ( while I watched the baby upstairs) so he could drink and jerk off with random guys online? Stay up all night? Bed at like 10am. Start yelling at the baby to “shut the fuck up and go to sleep!!” When he’s sitting there playing his videogames and the tv is super bright? Of course she can’t freaking sleep!!!

No.

I had to leave my job to take care of her. She’s doing better but misses him a lot. That part hurts like hell.

I just want him to suffer now. Like he made me and her suffer.

My baby is only 3 and he treats her like that. Pixels are more important than his own flesh and blood? FINE!

I’M DONE!

I’ve been hurt so bad, there’s no going back.