Rant… Again… As Always

I’m just done.. sick of it all. I’m sick of being alive. Life is bullshit. There are the loons out there that think a person is put on earth to accomplish something, but that’s a load of garbage. Animals live and die, nothing more. People are animals. Therefore, people live and die, nothing more.

I have never felt so goddamn alone in my entire life… Never. All the times I thought I felt totally alone, I was completely mistaken. Now is the moment when I am most alone. That will never get any better, either. I’m quite sure of it.

I have no friends. This is not a cry for pity or of self-hatred. It is a cold, cruel fact. I don’t even have Faith anymore… the person, not the belief. I never had the belief. I never will.

I had thought things were getting better, but as she pointed out ever-so blatantly today, I’m a “very spiteful, hateful person”. I suppose I”ve never been good enough for her. In my defense, however, I have pointed out numerous times.. I’m a bitch… I’m spiteful… I’m awful. It is far from my fault that she ignored what I said.

Not that anyone pays attention to what I say anyways.

I have never wished so vehemently for my existance to cease… I truly haven’t. No level of achievement on my part can atone for the self-hatred I feel. I kept assuming it was merely teenage depression or some pesky bipolar disorder kicking in for the longest time. But I haven’t grown out of it. No level of medication can help me.

Because what I say is true… nothing more. The truth cannot be hidden, or treated.

But the truth.. can destroy.

As I remember hearing in Students on Stage….

“Please Lord, let me die…. I’m tired”