Late Night Rant

I hate being me.. you know that?

…..Brad’s right. I’m a social friend… meaning basically. I’m one of those people that people don’t mind hanging out with and talking to in school or at functions like that.. but once I step off the premises I cease to exist.

And.. it hurts, I guess.. I mean, I love Faith.. she’s my best and only friend here.. but.. Sometimes I can’t help but want someone to call me and be like “hey wanna go see a movie” or “wanna go play pool” Instead of hearing them talk to each other about it in school..

And I mean.. whenever I say Faith is my only friend, my online friends are like “but I’m your friend”.. but it’s totally different.. I can’t go out to Friendly’s with the guy that’s up in Canada or the girl down in Texas.. the closest I can get is talking on the phone

And it hurts….. I mean, I look at my cell phone list and it’s filled with either online long distance people.. or there’s the FFA officers, who don’t hang out with me outside FFA functions, and the student government people, who don’t hang out with me outside of school or student government functions

And then people say well make some friends.. and here I think I do.. and it winds up exactly the same way… they talk to me in school, and nothing else happens. That’s it.

The only reason Chip and David have even been hanging out with me lately is because Mimi died.. And that’ll stop once summer starts, because they’ll go hang out with their real friends. And there will be no reason to bother hanging out with me anymore.

And it makes me just want to cry… especially when all I really have up in that room is Faith and she’s too busy being drunk and kissing Scott and trying to get into the shower with him or something. And it probably wouldn’t be so bad if perhaps Scott had brought a friend to at least keep me entertained SOMEHOW. But he didn’t.. so yeah

….and then people wonder why I’m so addicted to the goddamn internet. At least here people talk to me.

It’s never going to change.