It’s All Come Down to This

Perhaps some time for soul searching…

Why must all things wind up in black or white, when it comes to relationships?  Why are relationships themselves in black or white?  I don’t refer to the relationships with friends, but those with a significant other.. the boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever they may be.

Relationships should be a living, breathing thing with flaws and, if neccessary, half-truths.  Not always in need of being fixed.  Bendable instead of breakable.

Is it possible for two people to be so very alike, yet so different?  Different in ways where the relationship is always in need of being "fixed"… always needing to be "worked on".

If I am to truly love a man, he must accept that I am flawed.  He can say it, but he needs to truly mean what he says.  I make mistakes.. some I regret, and some I do not.  Which ones are regrettable, and which aren’t, are based entirely upon me, not upon him. 

 What I have done, I did willingly, and the only regret I do have is that it affected too much.  But I am not one to remain caged, or controlled.  And though his road may be paved with good intentions, I prefer the dirty, downtrodden trail through the woods.

I cannot be with him until I truly am ready.  But I am not.  I want to be wild, and do stupid things that could get me in trouble.  I don’t want to explain what I did in moments of emotional drunkenness.  I don’t want to have to call so he does not feel abandoned or worried.

I want to grow at my own pace, and I want to enjoy the "best years of my life" without baggage or regret.