On edge

I am in desperate need of some diary therapy.
Work has been stupidly busy. I got promoted in July and since then I have had to face 3 team changes, each time learning 70+ branches and then being moved again to hav to manage another new team. Stressful. I have been off 2 times since being promoted and my line manager pulled it up as a "pattern" and so I was investigated. The tears I cried in front of her and HR were horrendous. I even had a panic attack where I couldn’t breathe. And then I had to have a meeting with Occupational Health to see if I am fit to do the job. I am fit to do the effing job just not with the lack of support that they gave me! This was all backed up for me in my occupational health report, THANK GOD!

Being investigated was awful. And now I’m worried that if I end up off again this year, what then, a disciplinary? the sack?

I went to Newcastle last weekend for a girls weekend as it was my friends 30th. We had such a laugh and a giggle. It cost quite a lot though.

Vegas and Orlando is finally booked, along with my wedding day. I fly to Orlando for 10 days and then to Vegas for 7 and we get married on 2nd May. It is all paid for, we are just still saving to add to the spends. We also have a party booked when we get home in June to celebrate with people who aren’t coming. My dress is ordered, just need shoes, Pauls suit and the wedding rings. I’m thinking something blingy.

I have been so stressed lately. My anxiety is back as on a daily basis I think about dying. NOt killing myself, just when I walk to work I imagine being ran over – every bloody time – or walking down the stairs I imagine falling from the top and dying. The car journey back from Newcastle was the worst. I was in the back and as the driver was always in the fast lane I was having all kinds of visions. IT SUCKS! If I’m alone in the house and I hear people walking past I immediately panic and think they are coming to try to get in my house. I had my review today with the doctor and I didn’t mention any of this for some strange reason. I really should have. I might need to make another appointment. I’m so forgetful.

Our house is leeking. The windows, the roof, the ceiling. I have rang the land lady and she is apologetic but I don’t think she realises that I’m not exagerating. We have tupperware on the window sills and towels on the floor and with todays none stop rain itsall getting worse 🙁
Paul wants to move again when the lease is up, but that will be our 3rd move in 3 years which is not only stressful but it doesn’t look good towards your credit rating, so we’re stuck here for another 12 months. I’m considering paying for a new roof myself at this rate!

Pauls brother has got engaged and he is coming to vegas. They have already said that they want to get married in vegas but I will be PISSED if they do it before us. They are only coming for 5 days, and they go home the day after I get married which means they only have time to do it before my wedding 🙁 I did not plan all this so another couple can come in and steal my thunder. How dare they even consider it? Am i just being selfish?

I feel stressed this evening. My shoulders feel tense, my chest feels tight. I’m coming down with a cold so I’ve got my honey and lemon tea to sip. Paul is working late as the town he works in are turning the christmas lights on so they expect to be busy, although in this weather I would be surprised.

Well, catch up over.