Got up at noon…

I woke up to Paul phoning the house panicking because I wasn’t answering my mobile. He thought I’d fallen in the shower and was worried. 15 missed calls later I answered the house phone and he truely was relieved, he’s such a worrier bless him.

Anyway, I was fine. I’d woken up at 7:30 when Paul was leaving, I woke up again at 9 to ring in work to say I was still sick.

Mum and my uncle turned up at 1 for a brew. Mum is ill too so she’s not working and Uncle is unemployed. They stayed for 2 hours. It was nice seeing somebody from the outside world but I wasn’t really up to visitors. Constant coughing, ear ache and dizziness takes it out of you. I have got another doctors appointment tomorrow. I’m thinking I have a chest infection now and maybe still an ear infection. I stopped taking my anti-biotics yesterday and my ear is still leaking and I’m coughing up stuff. Paul and I haven’t had a decent nights sleep since well before xmas.

I don’t have any new years resolutions yet. How many am I allowed? because off the top of my head I can think of a million things I need to change about the coming year! It needs to be narrowed down to a simple few or nothing will get done.

I sound so depressive. I’m always moaning because I’m ill or something depressing is going on in my life. No wonder people don’t like me. But what am I supposed to do…
Do I not tell people what I’m going through?
Do happy people go through the same shit as me but choose not to tell a soul?

I went to work last wednesday, my first day back after xmas. I knew I was coming down with the flu. My body was hurting all over so much. I voiced my concerns throughout the day to people sat around me who although I know they don’t see me as a friend, I thought would show a little concern. I was wrong. I was still bullied into making all the cups of tea, I was ignored when I spoke and
"If I hear you say you’re ill one more time you’re going out the window" was what I got. I’m not even exaggerating.
I didn’t go in work the next day and still haven’t been back. It was flu and nobody has text to see how I am. Real flu- not a cough or a sneeze. FLU.

HELP ME! How am I supposed to exist among these pathetic human beings who wish to discuss Katie and Peter, tanning, fake nails and eyelashes, drama in their lives (that they create), having no money (because they spend it on nonsense), how fat/skinny the rest of the office are…. ABSOLUTE FUCKING BULLSHIT CONVERSATION… and yet when I have something serious going on in my life and I just need somebody to help me through it, like my team leader, I get 5 minutes of their attention and then its back to THEM THEM THEM. I know I’m probably at wrong for expecting some attention when I need it, when deep down I know I’m not going to get it.

Here’s to a happy new year that has got off to a bad start but with some positive thinking can only get better…